Valentine's Day DOs And DON'Ts For Couples, Single People And The Hopelessly Confused

02/13/2014 03:17 pm ET | Updated Feb 13, 2014

To quote Bart Simpson, "I hate this stupid holiday! The only thing you can do is screw it up."


Whether you're single, in a relationship or are so confused by modern dating that you don't even know anymore, here are some Valentine's Day DOs and DON'Ts to help you get through Feb. 14 like a champ.

  • 1 Let's face it, Valentine's Day is something everyone dreads sometimes.
  • 2 If you're single, there's all this unnecessary pressure to have a date.
  • 3 That you actually know.
  • 4 A HUMAN date.
  • 5 Even if you're happily single, being alone on Feb. 14 is supposed to be a let down.
    You say you don't care, but no one believes you.
  • 6 It's not like it was back in elementary school, when V-Day was a no-brainer.
    Everyone "loves" everyone!
  • 7 If you give an adult a Valentine, you might get rejected.
  • 8 So, DON'T resort to using boring, old clichés.
    Dream big.
  • 9 Or groan-worthy puns.
    Come on, now.
  • 10 Or... Whatever you call this.
    So romantic we can hardly stand it.
  • 11 DO say something honest, funny and heartfelt.
    Oh, they'll Instagram this for sure.
  • 12 If you're single, DON'T subject yourself to PDA-filled date night spots.
    You should probably just avoid any restaurant with a French word in its name.
  • 13 DO take advantage of the fact that it's socially acceptable to gorge yourself on chocolates.
  • 14 DON'T compare your plans to the people around you.
    Are you kidding me with this?
  • 15 DO be creative in how you celebrate Valentine's Day.
    It doesn't have to be all lovey-dovey and lame.
  • 16 And DON'T forget that it's not the only holiday on Feb. 14.
    The point is: you've got options.
  • 17 DO surprise your Valentine with something special.
    It means even more if you made it yourself!
  • 18 But DON'T expect a grand romantic gesture.
    No reason to get your hopes up based on stuff you've only seen on TV.
  • 19 DO order a heart-shaped pizza.
    Seriously, no one will ever turn that down.
  • 20 But DON'T got to far with the heart-shaped stuff.
    How... sweet?
  • 21 DO tell someone you love them.
    A must.
  • 22 DON'T think about how creepy Cupid is.
    A naked, winged baby who shoots you with an arrow? No thanks.
  • 23 DO make roses made out of bacon.
    Okay, use vegetarian bacon if you must.
  • 24 Or a kinky whip out of Twizzlers.
    You know, if they're into that kind of thing.
  • 25 But DON'T give a gag gift when they're expecting something nice.
  • 26 DO pay attention to what your partner wants.
    Even if it's ridiculous.
  • 27 DON'T cheap out on what you eat.
    If your date has a reservation at White Castle, maybe suggest staying in.
  • 28 DO work on your pick-up lines.
    Nailed it.
  • 29 DON'T Give anyone crabs, ironically or otherwise.
    You're better than this.
  • 30 Or "affordable trash services."
    'Nuff said.

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