Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Read the latest batch below and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that's not allowed if the baby is yours.
— Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) February 12, 2014
Was gonna take my son out in the snow but by the time I got him dressed for it he was 45 years old and winter was long obsolete.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 13, 2014
Today I walked 2 kindergartners to school on the street between snow drifts and I regret not playing more Frogger as a kid.
— Suburban Snapshots (@SuburbanSnaps) February 14, 2014
And on the fifth hour of the fourth snowday the mother suggested Puzzle-palooza and all the kids were busy and happy for... five minutes.
— Anna Sandler (@Anna_Sandler) February 13, 2014
My oldest is frowning and shoveling. Looks like he has realized that there comes an age when snow isn't as much fun anymore. That age is 14.
— SocaMom (@SocaMomDC) February 13, 2014
No son, when I was your age I didn't walk to school uphill both ways BUT our family did have to use a communal phone.
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) February 10, 2014
Cute toddler craft project turned into disciplinary battle w/ crayon throwing. That doesn't Instagram well so we'll forget it happened, ok?
— Melissa Walker (@melissacwalker) February 10, 2014
"I'm going upstairs to put on a tiara." This is said more than you would think around this house, even when it's NOT Valentine's Day.
— sarahdessen (@sarahdessen) February 14, 2014
Husband brought me roses and the baby just ate one. Warms my heart we're sticking to family tradition again this year.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) February 15, 2014
Welp. I don't have to spend this afternoon baking heart-shaped cookies & writing my kid's classmates' names in frosting. No school tomorrow.
— stacia l. brown (@slb79) February 13, 2014
Class valentines are a pain until your kid is in 6th grade and there are no class valentines and you're all BUT I WANT CLASS VALENTINES.
— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) February 10, 2014
Daycare lady: I assume your wife is out of town
Her: You dressed your kids in scuba flippers.
I couldn’t find the shoe bin.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 11, 2014
I just had a 10 minute argument with my two year old about what she was going to wear today. She won. I lost. Remember this if you see us.
— Courtney (@Discourt) February 14, 2014
Good News: DDW1 wanted to play catch with Daddy outdoors.
Bad News: She wanted to use her 7-month old sister as the "ball."
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) February 10, 2014
I keep my children around as a handy excuse to decline invitations to social events.
— The Ranting Wife (@Ranting_Wife) February 13, 2014
I love the grocery store by myself. This is my Disneyland and my Narnia.
— Bunmi Laditan (@BunmiLaditan) February 9, 2014
8yo: Shaggy is a man, but eats dog snacks.
Me: Yeah, what's up with that? What man does that?
8yo: It's just a cartoon, mom.
— AnotherBottleofWhine (@KateWhineHall) February 13, 2014
IDEA: A Play-Doh set that comes with its own tiny Dustbuster.
— Melissa Sher (@thismelissasher) February 8, 2014
To my 6yo,
I'd like to tell you everything is okay but we are dealing with a closet that has a god damn monster in it. Sweet dreams.
— Minivan (@my_minivan_life) February 13, 2014
My daughters like to fall asleep in my bed & then I carry them upstairs. I love my kids. My back thinks they're spoiled little brats though.
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) February 8, 2014
I feel like a ninja when I carry my sleeping girl to her crib. One wrong move and it's all over.
— Crazy Working Mother (@Crazed_mother) February 15, 2014
Me: Only the nerds are online tonight.
My son (7): So are you a nerd?
Me: Pretty much, yeah.
— Dave Pell (@davepell) February 15, 2014
In effort to stay up,3yo emerges from rm:"I have to do some work on the computer."Me:What work?"I have to look up where all the potties are"
— Rachel Dratch (@TheRealDratch) February 13, 2014
7yo: “When I grow up, I want to be a teacher. Or a mom. But I’m not a girl.” Take that, gender definitions! This kid has figured you out.
— Jess Banks (@ProfBanks) February 10, 2014