Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Read the latest batch below and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that's not allowed if the baby is yours.
— Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) February 12, 2014
Was gonna take my son out in the snow but by the time I got him dressed for it he was 45 years old and winter was long obsolete.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 13, 2014
Today I walked 2 kindergartners to school on the street between snow drifts and I regret not playing more Frogger as a kid.
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) February 14, 2014
And on the fifth hour of the fourth snowday the mother suggested Puzzle-palooza and all the kids were busy and happy for... five minutes.
— Anna Sandler (@Anna_Sandler) February 13, 2014
My oldest is frowning and shoveling. Looks like he has realized that there comes an age when snow isn't as much fun anymore. That age is 14.
— Eva Wilson/SocaMomￂﾮ (@SocaMomDC) February 13, 2014
No son, when I was your age I didn't walk to school uphill both ways BUT our family did have to use a communal phone.
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) February 10, 2014
Cute toddler craft project turned into disciplinary battle w/ crayon throwing. That doesn't Instagram well so we'll forget it happened, ok?
— Melissa Walker ﾟﾇﾺﾟﾇﾸ (@melissacwalker) February 10, 2014
"I'm going upstairs to put on a tiara." This is said more than you would think around this house, even when it's NOT Valentine's Day.
— sarahdessen (@sarahdessen) February 14, 2014
Husband brought me roses and the baby just ate one. Warms my heart we're sticking to family tradition again this year.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) February 15, 2014
Welp. I don't have to spend this afternoon baking heart-shaped cookies & writing my kid's classmates' names in frosting. No school tomorrow.
— stacia l. brown (@slb79) February 13, 2014
Class valentines are a pain until your kid is in 6th grade and there are no class valentines and you're all BUT I WANT CLASS VALENTINES.
— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) February 10, 2014
Daycare lady: I assume your wife is out of town
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 11, 2014
Me: Why?
Her: You dressed your kids in scuba flippers.
I couldn’t find the shoe bin.
I just had a 10 minute argument with my two year old about what she was going to wear today. She won. I lost. Remember this if you see us.
— Court (@Discourt) February 14, 2014
Good News: DDW1 wanted to play catch with Daddy outdoors.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) February 10, 2014
Bad News: She wanted to use her 7-month old sister as the "ball."
I keep my children around as a handy excuse to decline invitations to social events.
— The Ranting Wife (@Ranting_Wife) February 13, 2014
I love the grocery store by myself. This is my Disneyland and my Narnia.
— Bunmi Laditan (@BunmiLaditan) February 9, 2014
8yo: Shaggy is a man, but eats dog snacks.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 13, 2014
Me: Yeah, what's up with that? What man does that?
8yo: It's just a cartoon, mom.
Me: ...
IDEA: A Play-Doh set that comes with its own tiny Dustbuster.
— Melissa Sher (@thismelissasher) February 8, 2014
To my 6yo,
— Minivan (@my_minivan_life) February 13, 2014
I'd like to tell you everything is okay but we are dealing with a closet that has a god damn monster in it. Sweet dreams.
Dad
My daughters like to fall asleep in my bed & then I carry them upstairs. I love my kids. My back thinks they're spoiled little brats though.
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) February 8, 2014
I feel like a ninja when I carry my sleeping girl to her crib. One wrong move and it's all over.
— Crazy Working Mother (@Crazed_mother) February 15, 2014
Me: Only the nerds are online tonight.
— Dave Pell (@davepell) February 15, 2014
My son (7): So are you a nerd?
Me: Pretty much, yeah.
(We hug.)
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Thank you again for your support along the way. We’re truly grateful for readers like you! Your initial support helped get us here and bolstered our newsroom, which kept us strong during uncertain times. Now as we continue, we need your help more than ever. We hope you will join us once again.
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In effort to stay up,3yo emerges from rm:"I have to do some work on the computer."Me:What work?"I have to look up where all the potties are"
— Rachel Dratch (@TheRealDratch) February 13, 2014
7yo: “When I grow up, I want to be a teacher. Or a mom. But I’m not a girl.” Take that, gender definitions! This kid has figured you out.
— jess banks (@ProfBanks) February 10, 2014