This week was filled with Hallmark cards, CVS chocolates and a variety of different Valentine's Day plans. Twitter user LBJohnson had a somewhat unique approach to celebrating: "For Valentine's Day, blindfold me and take me to a room filled with pickles and when I look down there are sporks where my hands used to be." To each their own, right?
V-Day can be stressful without a special someone to share it with, but Shelby Fero had a game plan we could all try at least once: "Wriggling my eyebrows at people all day and still no Valentine's plans." While some were focused on their personal celebration plans, Caprice Crane was imagining what Kimye was doing on Feb 14., "Kanye says 'Love you baby, Happy Valentines Day.' Kim says 'I love you too.' Kanye turns from his mirror, confused. 'Wasn't talking to you.'" Sounds pretty accurate to us.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Just once I wanna see a critic end a review with "But what do I know? I have a weird job that makes people visibly uncomfortable around me."
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 10, 2014
I miss the 90s when everyone looked like shit and it was fine.
— Sheila Heti (@sheilaheti) February 10, 2014
Tracking my Domino's pizza online. It says it's being made my Maria! I LOVE HER WORK!!
— Cristela Alonzo (@cristela9) February 11, 2014
I wish I didn’t leave a soup bowl for three days in my room, by which I mean, I wish I had a cooler way to grow ingredients for spells.
— Barbara Holm (@barbara_holm) February 11, 2014
Sent an email to a stranger today with the subject line "interested in a bra for my butt" so things are going pretty well for me.
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) February 12, 2014
'CAUSE I'VE GOT ONE HAND IN MY POCKET
AND THE OTHER ONE IS STEALING YOUR FRENCH FRIES
— Mo (@MonSwanson) February 12, 2014
Happy Tell Someone You Love Them Even Though You Should Be Telling Them That Daily Day.
— Erika Napoletano (@RedheadWriting) February 14, 2014
Everyone tell the person they have a crush on that you love them (but only if you're hot).
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) February 14, 2014
the day is young but i have a feeling that harry styles isn't going to send me an edible arrangement despite the MANY hints i've dropped
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) February 14, 2014
My uber driver gave me a rose. I think this could be the start of something really convenient...
— Jamie Lee (@TheJamieLee) February 14, 2014
Kanye says "Love you baby, Happy Valentines Day." Kim says "I love you too." Kanye turns from his mirror, confused. "Wasn't talking to you."
— caprice crane (@capricecrane) February 14, 2014
"Honestly, she brought this on herself" - My gravestone, probably.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) February 14, 2014
Wriggling my eyebrows at people all day and still no Valentine's plans.
— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) February 14, 2014
What came first, my ex or...nope, it was always my ex.
— Naazihah (@naazihah) February 14, 2014
Today I showered for a hot date. Ok, it's a doctors appointment. I'm naked in a paper gown waiting for him. Still sounds like a hot date.
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) February 12, 2014
People like to toss a side-eye for platform boots in this weather but my toes are well above the puddle line and I'm proud of that
— Rachel Syme (@rachsyme) February 14, 2014
My phone keeps changing "do it" to "donut" it's like GET OUTTA MY HEAD, IPHONE!
— Adrienne Airhart (@craydrienne) February 14, 2014
For Valentine's Day, blindfold me and take me to a room filled with pickles and when I look down there are sporks where my hands used to be.
— LBJohnson (@ladybirdj) February 14, 2014