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03/04/2014 09:22 am ET | Updated Mar 04, 2014

Iyanla Vanzant Urges Single Moms To Take Time For Themselves (VIDEO)

Carving out personal time can feel like a guilty pleasure for busy single moms, but life coach Iyanla Vanzant says it's vital for all parents. On "Oprah's Lifeclass," Iyanla and an audience filled with single mothers discuss why moms should release the guilt.

"It is important that our children see us having fun," Iyanla says. "And you have to have time and space in your life where your children know they cannot come, they are not involved and you will not be discussing what you was doing. They have to know that."

Actress Nia Long, a single mom to two sons, says she needed to have a talk about boundaries when her son became a teenager. "You need to knock on my door, you need to ask permission and I am drawing this very thick line in the sand that you are not to cross," she told him.

He thought she was being mean, but Nia says he'll thank her one day. "Because the one thing my boys will always do is respect women," she says. "And at the end of the day, if I'm doing nothing to make me happy, he's not going to understand what a well-defined woman looks like, so he's not going to find the partner that represents that."

"That's right," Iyanla agrees. "And you'll teach your children, particularly boys, that your life as women is about serving them. Bad message."

"And then they grow up looking for women to do the same thing," Oprah adds.

Iyanla says to look at it this way. "Remember, mothers: You are raising somebody's husband."

"Oprah's Lifeclass" airs Fridays at 9 p.m. ET on OWN.

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