This week was full of celebration followed by contemplation -- perfect conditions for women to look within and share their feelings in 140 characters. For one, Katina Corrao highlighted an important injustice when she tweeted, "Fat Tuesday is proof that even the 'days of the week' bully each other #MardiGras #FatTuesday." Every day of the week is beautiful just the way it is.* (*Except for Monday.)
Following Fat Tuesday came a more somber Ash Wednesday, and many women took to Twitter to share the vice's they plan to give up for Lent. Quinn Katherman's promise makes a lot of sense: "I gave up trying to kill you for lent. Enjoy your life for the next 38 days." While Quinn was attempting to be selfless, Amaya Perea gave the IRS fair warning of her intentions when she tweeted, "Look I know the timing's not great but I'm giving up taxes for lent." Religious freedom, right?
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
I just checked into Harvard. They said they've never heard of me. Off to Emerson.
— Chelsea Handler (@chelseahandler) March 7, 2014
was gonna read the Bible but People mag only gave it two and a half stars
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) March 2, 2014
Listen lady. I just came here for pretty nails. Stop harassing me about my mustache.
— The Eh Factor (@AngelaEhh) March 3, 2014
What if it never stops snowing? What if it never gets warm again? What if this is just how it is forever? Where’s Jake Gyllenhaal now?
— Jessica Coen (@jessicacoen) March 3, 2014
— Katina Corrao (@KatinaCorrao) March 4, 2014
Being an atheist means that when someone sneezes, you don't say "God bless you"; you say "Ayyyy, must be the money!"
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) March 4, 2014
I gave up trying to kill you for lent. Enjoy your life for the next 38 days.
— Quinn Katherman (@QuinnK) March 7, 2014
Babies may seem cute but actually they're like whatever, you can't afford me.
— P (@lovehandle_) March 4, 2014
Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me.
— Robin McCauley (@RobinMcCauley) March 5, 2014
Look I know the timing's not great but I'm giving up taxes for lent
— Amaya Perea (@Amaya_Teresa) March 7, 2014
probably not a good sign when someone refers to themselves as a "muggle" in their dating profile
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) March 5, 2014
Welcome home, half-empty bottle of diet coke. Meet your family: Salad dressing, expired creamer & mysterious takeout container.
— molly (@Molly_Kats) March 5, 2014
Ate a grocery store nectarine without washing it, so my 3rd arm & 11th toe should be growing in nicely any time now.
— Erica B (@SCbchbum) March 5, 2014
i looked deep into his eyes and finally found what his heart was yearning for. tacos. it had been tacos all along.
— mσσηѕнιηє вαℓℓєяιηα (@tupacasnack) March 6, 2014
Wish there were a social media filter that I could set to "NO SPIDERS EVER, SERIOUSLY."
— erin mallory long (@erinmallorylong) March 6, 2014
I woke up just before winning the argument in my dream. Fuck this day.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) March 6, 2014
Every baby girl born this year will be named Lupita.
— Suleika Jaouad (@suleikajaouad) March 6, 2014
I think it's totally fair game to fart in yoga class because it's just your butt being aware of its breath
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 3, 2014
Victoria's Secret sends me catalogs at a rate I couldn't ruin underwear if I tried.
— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) March 7, 2014
I have mood color changing nail polish on and it's straight up changing every 5 minutes. This makes my mood disorder seem very fashionable
— Rivka Rossi (@sofifii) March 7, 2014
Massachusetts banned Upskirt photos. Or as Kim Kardashian calls them "Selfies"
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) March 7, 2014
If Chamillionaire hasn't tweeted "you see me rollin', you favin'" at least once, what are we all doing here anymore?
— Ella Ceron (@ellaceron) March 7, 2014
My friend emailed, "What day is the 22nd?" Better question: What kind of device do you have that contains electronic mail but no calendar?
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) March 7, 2014
If you even use the word "betch" in my presence, I'll teach you what it's like to be old school bitch slapped.
— BoobzillaMcSugarHole (@Boobzillaz) March 6, 2014
Earthquake survival kit: vodka, M&Ms, Grease 2 soundtrack, Ewan McGregor, iPhone so you can Instagram it, cute boots, basket of puppies,
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) March 7, 2014
you never realize how boring you are until someone asks you what you like to do for fun
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) March 7, 2014
Monogram necklaces are cute in style, but weird in practice. It's like hanging a sign around your neck that says, "I'M ME!"
— Jamie Lee (@TheJamieLee) March 7, 2014