Listen: We're not here to bash the simple pleasure of listening to pop songs. There's a certain joy that comes with being up all night, partying hard, throwing your hands in the air like you just don't care, and saying baby just one more time.
But often, our favorite pop songs are so catchy that we tend to scan over some of the more head-scratching lyrics. In partnership with Virgin Mobile, we're counting down the most obvious lyrics in recent memory.
Scroll all the way down for the complete playlist, and please, please tell us what we missed in the comments.
1. Most Obvious Award
Avril Lavigne - "Sk8er Boi"
THE LYRIC:: He was a boy / She was a girl / Can I make it any more obvious?
I don't know ... can you?
Making it more obvious, Avril continues: "He was a punk / She did ballet / What more can I say?" Spoiler alert: she says more, and true to the alternagirl pop trope, Girl gets Boy who was passed on by Popular Girl, who is pretty but undeserving of companionship and maybe dumb and by mid-song, a single mom ("she sits at home / feeding the baby, she's all alone")? We never do find out what happened to our Girl's burgeoning ballet career.
2. Well, You Might As Well Just Say It Award
Beyonce - "Ego"
It's too big (big) / It's too wide (wide)
[Ed: We get it.]
It's too strong (strong) / It won't fit (fit)
It's too much (much) / It's too tough (tough)
He talk like this 'cause he can back it up
He got a big ego / Such a huge ego
I love his big ego
Look, DON'T GET US WRONG, we love Beyonce, but sexual innuendo ceases to be so when it's this, well, obvious.
HONORABLE MENTION goes to Robin Thicke for not specifying what rhymes with "hug me."
3. Thanks for Elaborating, We Weren't Aware You Were Talking About Your Romantic Feelings Award
Next - "Too Close"
THE LYRIC: The way that you shake it on me / Makes me want you so bad ... sexually
This does not change the fact that this song is still a total jam.
4. Most Assertive Ownership of Appendages Award
Jewel - "Hands"
THE LYRIC: My hands are small I know / But they're not yours / They are my own
Not yours! Mine! Like a growing infant, Jewel expresses new layers of self-awareness vis-a-vis her own hands. The movie equivalent of this song portrays our leading lady or man soul-searching by leaning over the sink and staring into the mirror. Subtle!
5. Cutest Threat Ever Award
Metallica - "Enter Sandman"
THE LYRIC: Close the door, shut the light, heavy thoughts tonight! / And they aren't of Snow White!
In case you didn't note the thundering drum beat or chugging guitars, this is an Angry song best used to intimidate an opponent in sports. This song is a "metaphor" about nightmares, i.e., NOT dreams of Snow Whiii-ee-iiiiite or other members of the Disney family. [Ed: Snow White is actually kind of terrifying?]
6. Most Obvious Product Placement Award
Britney Spears - "Perfume"
THE LYRIC: I’ll never tell, tell on myself / But I hope she smells my perfume
Britney doesn't pull any punches here. She has perfume, and she really hopes you
buy it at your nearest department store smell it.
7. Can You Leave My Cousin Out Of This Award
Drake - "Shut It Down"
THE LYRIC: Yeah, baby, you finer than your fine cousin / And your cousin fine
Drake adds insult to injury by telling you that you're finer than your fine cousin -- you know, the fine one, he says, helpfully. Drizzy, this is not a way to give a girl a compliment.
8. Worst (Best?) Dad Joke
Barenaked Ladies - "Pinch Me"
THE LYRIC: I could hide out under there / I just made you say 'underwear'
Womp. We saw this painfully obvious joke coming from miles away.
9. Most Educational Award / Most Obvious Crossover Ploy
Pitbull - "I Know You Want Me"
THE LYRIC: One, two, three, four / Uno, dos, tres, cuatro
"So, I'll count in English. And then ... I'll count in Spanish. Crossover! Double money! Woooooo!" -- The Tao of Pitbull
10. Most Well-Groomed Feet, Feet Award
Ke$ha - "Tik Tok"
THE LYRIC: I'm talking / Pedicures on our toes, toes
We could single out any number of lyrics from Ke$ha's oeuvre, but this one wins for giving us helpful advice on where one should put a pedicure.
Some things are so obvious that we shouldn't have to spell them out. Switching to Virgin Mobile is one of those things. (But that's V-I-R-G-I-N M-O-B-I-L-E if you didn't get it the first time.)
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