The funny women of Twitter were frustrated with their food this week, as evidenced by Nikki's impatience while waiting for her five-star meal to be prepared: "I wish this microwavable burrito would hurry up and cook. It's not like I have all minute." We hear you Nikki, suspense is the worst part of a meal.
While some were short-tempered, others were just plain confused. Nina Bargiel stumbled upon a rather odd realization: "Every time I see a baby wrapped up like a little burrito, I get hungry. My biological clock is a dinner bell." The best light-bulb moment of the week however, goes to Laurie Kilmartin when she tweeted, "Cookie dough can be baked?" Wait... it can? Mind. Blown.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
"I'd rather have 10 seconds of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special"- Snapchat
— Shalyah Evans (@ShalyahEvans) March 24, 2014
Stale nacho Doritos are my own form of personal hell.
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) March 24, 2014
cookie dough can be baked?
— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) March 25, 2014
I think coffee and I are to the point in our relationship that we're ready for a safe word.
— Erika Napoletano (@RedheadWriting) March 26, 2014
I don't mind going for a run, I just hate when my cigarette ashes blow in my face.
— Elle (@motherfuckinK) March 25, 2014
*presses face against your window* why aren't you texting me
— moody monday (@mdob11) March 24, 2014
I do not know how to deal with Shakira's Activia ad, in which I think it is implied that eating digestive yogurt is what makes Shakira dance
— Katie Heaney (@KTHeaney) March 26, 2014
I used to accidentally hold hands with strangers I mistook for my dad. It's slightly weirder now that I'm in my 20s and doing it on purpose.
— Allie (@AllieA) March 25, 2014
Do they make UGGS for emotions?
— Rivka Rossi (@sofifii) March 23, 2014
Eating mint flavored ice cream counts as brushing your teeth, right?
— Jenn (Jay) Palumbo (@jennpal) March 26, 2014
I live in a constant state of panic that one day a hairless cat will make eye contact with me.
— not Jenn (@mynameshank) March 27, 2014
Fellas, imagine having your balls roughly kneaded for two days straight. Congratulations you just experienced menstrual cramps.
— NYC Blonde (@NYC_Blonde) March 27, 2014
I wish this microwavable burrito would hurry up and cook. It's not like I have all minute.
— Nikki (@Squirreljustice) March 27, 2014
Lots of people auditioning for the role of "Guy Picking His Nose in Car" today in Hollywood.
— Julia Segal (@juliasegal) March 27, 2014
Sorry I said your baby was ugly when I really meant he looks just like you.
— Lauren (@NurseSeymour) March 27, 2014
Always be yourself. Unless you can be asleep. Then be asleep.
— Stacey Lynne (@NervousJr) March 24, 2014
A Hunger Games themed ice cream store called "May The Odds Be Ever In Your Flavor." Do I have to think of everything?
— caprice crane (@capricecrane) March 27, 2014
My reason for finally getting off the internet so I can focus on writing was 2% my work ethic and 98% avoiding Scandal spoilers. Counts.
— Aisha Muharrar (@eeshmu) March 28, 2014
Every time I see a baby wrapped up like a little burrito, I get hungry. My biological clock is a dinner bell.
— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) March 28, 2014
I'd take multivitamins if they made them in spreadable cheese form.
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) March 26, 2014
I wish life was more like movies basically because it would be way easier to find motivation and parking
— Jew Chainz (@jewfacekilla) March 28, 2014
He told me he liked it hot so I burned his house to the ground.
— Annekinns (@Annekinns) March 28, 2014
Every creative writing degree should include a course in career prep that's just called Panic.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) March 28, 2014
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