SPORTS
04/01/2014 03:15 pm ET Updated Apr 01, 2014

Every Date Should Include Commentary From Ian Darke (VIDEO)

By Matt Yoder, Awful Announcing

When it comes to the most popular announcers in sports, we always like to think how great it would be if they provided play by play for our daily lives. How great would it be to hear Bill Raftery shout “ONIONS” for a successful parallel parking job?

Well, ESPN has brought that to life in a new ad for the 2014 World Cup. Beloved soccer commentator Ian Darke calls a date, and it’s just as fantastic as you would believe. Darke even invokes some of his most famous calls from his US soccer days…

Go go Jim!! While this is great, I think it’s for the best I never had Ian Darke call one of my dates. Under that kind of pressure I would have surely bottled it.

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