Huffpost Divorce

Getting Divorced 'Doesn't Mean You Failed' And Other Things You Need To Hear Post-Split

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When you're going through something as life-changing as divorce, everyone you know seems to have advice to share.

But not all advice is worth your time. For every truly helpful bit of wisdom from someone who's looking out for you, there's usually someone else right behind them, ready to offer you a well-meaning, but ultimately misguided piece of advice. (We're looking at you, "Have you considered staying for the kids?")

HuffPost Divorce readers know as much. Below, they share the one piece of advice they've either given or received that actually made a difference in their -- or someone else's -- life after a separation. From legal advice (your divorce attorney is not your therapist), to tips on post-split parenting, scroll down to see what they had to say, then offer your best divorce advice in the comments.

- "Always remember to be an adult about everything. Believe me, acting childish or juvenile only makes every situation unnecessarily difficult."

- "Whatever you do, don't make decisions based on someone else's divorce. Every divorce is different and every situation is different. So many people get caught up in thinking 'but my friend got this and that in her divorce' and don't stop to think about what they need from the divorce."

- "Love yourself. Now is the time to become who you always knew you could be and never look back with bitterness and hate. Move forward with the lessons you've learned, appreciating them as experiences to help you grow. Be conscious of yourself. Never feel guilty for taking time for you, no matter what they say. Make yourself #1. Most importantly, if you have children, don't involve them or use them as part of your plan for vindication."

- "The road is long and hard and there will be times when you don't think you can go any further, but the view from the other side is spectacular. Keep going and know better times are ahead."

- "Always take a deep breath -- or three -- before responding to your former spouse!"

- "Act like you don't know your ex any more. They change in an instant and it's oftentimes when you think they won't. Let go of trying to understand, just let it be."

- "Getting divorced and being divorced is OK. It doesn't mean you failed. And as long as you and your ex stay cordial, the kids will be OK, too."

- "Your divorce attorney is not your therapist."

- "Don't make any major decisions for six months after the separation."

- "Don't sweat the small stuff. Know when you have to give in."

- "Let it go. You will never be truly happy or at peace unless you do. Holding onto anger and hate and feelings of being wronged will get you absolutely nowhere in your life. Let it all go and just move forward."

- "Someone told me, 'Put one foot in front of the other, and eventually you will be happy again.' And they were right! I'm so much happier now."

- "This is only a chapter in your life. Now you get to turn the page and write a whole new one."

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