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05/05/2014 08:28 am ET Updated May 05, 2014

'Veep' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: Everyone Is Terrible

Ah, how we wish Joe Biden would have showed up for this "Veep" episode. Instead, Selina Meyer and her motley crew of jizzers and dog murderers tried -- and failed -- to stop Maddox from running for President. They couldn't even poach Jonah, nor could Selina convince a hoity toity campaign manager to join her staff. 'Twas a sad day in the Eisenhower building. Luckily, "Veep" Season 3 Episode 5 gave us killer one-liners and insults that thrust Selina further up on HuffPost TV's "Veep" Diss Rankings. Get it, girl. Here are the best lines from "Fishing."

Selina Meyer
  • I love the country. Peeing in a bush, being talked to on a porch. It's kind of like being a dog.
  • I'd rather be shot in the fucking face than serve as Vice President again. Seriously, in the fucking face.
  • You know, Mike. It would please me greatly, if you would do me the honor of removing your jizzbox from our executive branch of government.
  • Listen, I'm going to get rid of the team, the whole bunch. Desperate Dan, flailing Amy, crippled Gary, jizzy Mike.
  • Right before Andrew and I split up, I don't know if you remember, but his car caught fire... I did it. I torch cars. Give me the nuclear codes!
Amy Brookheimer
  • You may never meet her personally. She may never catch your eye or thank you, but Selina Meyer will never forget you.
  • I've eaten hummus with a pen cap. Don't tell me how I can eat.
  • Two ex-military candidates are going to squeeze you out, ma'am. The subtext of every question will be, "Yeah, you're pretty, but can you break a man's neck?"
  • Fuck you, Dan, you minor league gigolo!
Dan Egan
  • You guys are the chosen ones. Not in a Jewish way either. In a like selected from a very short list of 10 way.
  • When I was a kid, a bunch of older kids dared me to kill this stray dog and I did.
Mike McLintock
  • Some people say three microwaves is overkill. My response is always, "Tapas!"
  • Watching you try to be nice is like watching a baby smoke a cigarette. It's kind of cool, but also very disturbing.
Kent Davison
  • You are going to change America in a way that usually only war and fluoride can.
Ed Webster
  • I guess I'll go tell the violinist that he has the night off. I'll just have him play me a bunch of Smiths covers in my car.
Jonah Ryan
  • People like me. People hire me. People date me and people fuck me because I'm triple-A fucking awesome and no other reason.

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