This week started off on a glamorous note with the annual Met Gala, where everyone from Lupita Nyong'o to Emma Stone was looking absolutely fabulous. While most were focused on their party dresses, one of our all-time favorites, Lena Dunham, was more concerned with practicality issues: "It's a challenge fitting all my spy equipment in my Met Ball clutch." You have to wear your spy equipment, Lena. Psh, amateurs.
Monday was Cinco de Mayo, which was great for giving us something to say to acquaintances in the elevator. It was gone so fast, though, and Emily Voleman said it best: "Man, I hope someone comes up w/ a pithy catchphrase for May 6th before I wake up tomorrow. I’d hate to have to ask ppl how they are again."
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
It's a challenge fitting all my spy equipment in my Met Ball clutch
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) May 5, 2014
If you say Miley 3x in front of a mirror she comes thru your wall naked on a wrecking ball.
You'll save $ on your bathroom remodel.
— ŠHØTŠKI MćGĘĘ (@Shellsterca) May 7, 2014
I just ate cold pizza with a dog. He watched me every step of the way, nodding in support.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) May 7, 2014
Selling your headphones to Apple for 3.2 billion dollars is one way to make sure no one forgot about Dre
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) May 9, 2014
Any guy can be your boyfriend if you lock him in your basement.
— Annekinns (@Annekinns) May 9, 2014
Just derailed a serious conversation by asking the guys in the room if they could make machine gun noises with their mouth. They all could.
— Taylor Orci (@taylororci) May 7, 2014
Like why did we keep making music after Luda said that a girl had a big ol' onion booty and it made him want to cry.
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) May 7, 2014
I asked for a "knight in shining armor" not "unemployed Greg in a silver '96 Corolla with a spoiler on the back."
Yet here we are.
— Sadie Smith (@SadieSmithRoks) May 7, 2014
Women who wear white pants while traveling are the real superheroes.
— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) May 7, 2014
no, i don't want go for a walk in the park. what's it, just a big salad area. i don't wanna walk around barefoot in some big bullshit salad
— tara shoe (@tarashoe) May 8, 2014
If a guy leaves their leftovers at your place, that's a commitment, right?
— Lynn Bixenspan (@lynnbixenspan) May 8, 2014
♫ who run the world, GIRLS who run the world, GIRLS ♫ *gets winded walking up short flight of stairs*
— Jessica Misener (@jessmisener) May 8, 2014
If you're trying to get me to secretly set off a bomb, tie the detonator to clicking a link about any celebrity dying their hair any color.
— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) May 5, 2014
How are we going to explain James Franco to our children?
— Juli Weiner (@juliweiner) May 9, 2014
Solidifying eccentric-old-lady-to-be status by getting visibly animated and sometimes gasping while watching Jeopardy! at the gym.
— Ani Vrabel (@avrabel) May 8, 2014
I think this cucumber just friendzoned me
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) May 9, 2014
Just found out the lyrics are not “Dancing Queen, feel the heat from the tambourine,” so I can tell my band they don’t need the oven mitts.
— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) May 9, 2014
I bet John Lennon would have had the most annoying Instagram.
— Susan Burke (@ThatSusanBurke) May 3, 2014
I got to fly in Old White Men Class today!
— Kristen Schaal (@kristenschaaled) May 6, 2014
Man, I hope someone comes up w/ a pithy catchphrase for May 6th before I wake up tomorrow. I’d hate to have to ask ppl how they are again.
— Emily Volman (@emilyvolman) May 6, 2014
That stalkward moment when you accidentally like someone's 3-month-old photo on instagram so you delete your instagram & leave the country.
— caprice crane (@capricecrane) May 3, 2014
Scatter my ashes at the Trader Joe's cheese section.
— Madeline Boardman (@ml_boardman) May 8, 2014
Sorry, but I'm all out of sugarcoating
— SweetP (@sweet_pea707) May 9, 2014