Ahhh, summertime. A season where sunscreen is plentiful, but somehow, so are terrible sunburns. No matter how much sunscreen you buy or how many times you reapply, it seems like you're just destined to get at least one burn that leaves a painful mark. And this is how it inevitably goes down:
Good thing I got that to spray tan to avoid cancer and being pale.
I feel a little more Oompa Loompa than Snooki.
That reminds me, I really need to do laundry. And gel my hair.
SPF 30, that should do it.
Well, as long as I don't fall asleep for a few hours.
I'll just put on some David Guetta and read.
(Closes eyes for approximately 5 hours)
Holy sh*t, is it dusk?!
I feel like I went back to 1998 with that nap.
I must've fallen into a coma.
Look at that, not even burnt!
God, I just feel SO CANDICE right now.
Wait -- why do I feel really scratchy?
And really hot. Also, really cold.
How can I feel hot and have goosebumps at the same time?
I suddenly feel the fires of a thousand suns on my arms and shoulders.
Oh my God, no. Ohhhh no...
LOOK AT MY LEGS!
It now looks like I have flames coming up from my ankles.
I feel like my chest just caught on fire.
I wonder if I can just bathe in Vaseline.
Or maybe just soak in some aloe vera mixture.
I vow to never shower again, as even steam hurts.
As does sleeping, eating and breathing.
Sun, you are one sneaky b*tch.