Huffpost Comedy

You Know Who Else Has More Than One Father? AMERICA!

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AMERICAS FATHERS
Huffington Post

As you may already know, June is Pride Month, and it's as important for that to be recognized by heterosexuals as it is by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

So as a show of solidarity with LGBT people everywhere, I wanted to do the gayest thing a straight man could possibly do: I wrote a poem. Just kidding, poets. Please, save your beautifully metered hate mail.

This poem is dedicated to gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender people -- anyone in America who is subject to inequality, and everyone who fights alongside them. Specifically though, this is dedicated to my brother Charlie and his partner John (my brother from another mother).

You Know Who Else Has More Than One Father? AMERICA!

Here in America, we have built quite the myth
It's one Americans should all be concerned with
It's the myth of family, and what that entails
As if kids couldn't be raised by two loving females.

Opponents say children need a mom and a dad
"Two mothers? Two fathers? It would just end up bad.
There's a model fam'ly you should strive to achieve."
Ward and June Cleaver? Jerry Mathers as the Beav?

With a divorce rate of nearly half and rising
It is difficult not to find it surprising
That we do not yet allow same-sexes to wed
And enjoy the same right to a marriage they dread.

"It just isn't right to have multiple fathers."
No matter the stats or how little it bothers?
"Nothing is conceived by multiple fathers -- duh!"
Oh? Not even a li'l place called... AMERICA?

America is a child with fathers galore!
More than two or three, and ev'ry one of them fore
They broke from mother England to raise us this way
And that's back in a time when happiness was gay.

But then the debate turns to a biblical sell
"It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!" they yell
And yet the forefathers include, would you believe,
Multiple Adams and at least one guy named Steve.*

There wasn't an Eve in the whole congregation
Except for the night before founding this nation
That prides on equality, colors that don't fade
It has all the makings of a gay pride parade!

The Declaration and Constitution in mind
Let's thank our forefathers and their eye for design
Think on their queerness; America, for the win,
The same-sexiest fam'ly that has ever been.

*John Adams, Samuel Adams, Stephen Hopkins

americas fathers

This piece was republished from a previous blog post.