Don't let those rom-coms fool you: it takes more than a big tub of Ben and Jerry's to really get over a breakup.
Below, Redditors reveal the one thing that made processing a rough split a little less painful.
1. Assess what you did wrong in the relationship.
It's easy to place the blame for the downfall of your relationship on your ex's shoulders, but chances are, you played a part in its demise too. If you try to convince yourself otherwise, you're only doing yourself a disservice, Redditor Arcark said. "A lot of people overlook their part in a breakup and jump straight into a rebound relationship," he wrote. "Regardless of why it ended, I always take time to reflect on myself and what I was like/how I was acting in that relationship."
2. Make a clean break.
Sorry, but in order to move on, you're going to have to abide by the "no contact" rule. "But what if it's an emergency and I really nee--" Nope, stop right there and delete his or her number from your phone. Keeping in touch will only prolong the pain. "It has to be complete and total," said Redditor bobtheflob. " There's nothing you can do to ease the pain at first, but the worst mistake you can make is to reach out to your ex and try to recapture what you had," he said. "Break off all contact, and don't convince yourself that you can make it work again."
3. Give yourself permission to cry. (We're talking about one of those all-encompassing, body-convulsing ugly cries.)
If you haven't given yourself a moment to process the breakup with a good cry, it might be time, Redditor Crisdearmero said. "I had a bad breakup last year and I never really let it out. I would walk around and everything I did was done in the same gloom I was in. School assignments, and work were just done robotically and with no emotion. I really convinced myself that I wasn't sad I was just lost. But it wasn't true. I was depressed and just needed to accept that and embrace it."
Then one night, everything changed: "I turned on Gavin DeGraw's 'Not Over You,' proceeded to lie down on my back and just let it out. I draped a pillow over myself because I hated hearing my whimpers and moans. When I removed the pillow, it was soaked with the tears I had been repressing for weeks. The song ended and I switched it over to Daughtry's 'Over You' and performed the same routine. It wasn't my proudest moment because I was laying completely naked and felt so ashamed for it. But I got up the next morning, after literally crying myself to sleep, and the world was bright again. I shaved, got ready for my afternoon shift at work and I loved seeing myself in the mirror. I swear I had transformed overnight and it was amazing."
4. Think twice before rebounding.
"The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else," the old cliché goes. And while that may work for some people, it might not for you -- and that's fine, said Redditor bmx4days. "Jumping back into a relationship is tempting, especially when you're known as a long-term relationship kind of guy like I am and you have a lot of girls coming onto you." But processing the breakup and finding your footing again "is so much more fulfilling" when you do it on your own, he said.
5. Keep a full social schedule.
We get it: The urge to Facebook stalk your ex and wallow in self-pity is strong right after a split. But keep busy and you'll be well on your way to post-split happiness, said Redditor coffeeblossom.
"Take up a hobby. Or, if you already have one, throw yourself into it (especially if it kind of fell by the wayside during your relationship.)" she said. "Go out with your friends. Hit the gym. Put in extra hours at work. Take a class. Start a new book/TV series/video game. Do That Thing You've Always Wanted to Do But For Some Reason Never Did. Whatever works for you."
6. Take stock of your ex's worst qualities.
Make a list -- whether it's mentally or on paper -- of everything you found obnoxious about your ex. Then, "whenever you get to missing them, think of the list or read it aloud to yourself," Redditor UGK4leben instructed.
7. If you lived together, give your space a little makeover.
"Move the furniture around in your apartment and change your bedding out," Redditor puppy_wearing_shoes suggested. "Buy new bedding if you have to. Get a few new pictures on the walls and take a few down. Deep clean your apartment. Treat yourself to something new you've been wanting (new dishes? Upgraded television? new outfits?). It's a new chapter of your life so prepare yourself and your home base for it."
8. And if all else fails, give it time.
Don't beat yourself up if none of the steps above are working for you. There really is no timetable for moving on and sometimes you just have to wait it out.
"The only solution that worked for me was a combination of time and perspective," Redditor Anastik said "You really do need time to remove yourself from the immediacy of the relationship and perspective to figure out why the relationship didn't work out like you thought it would."
The plus side of that reflection? Once you are ready to give love another shot, you'll be able to navigate your relationship with a little more know-how.
Related
Before You Go
