WOMEN

Everything You Need To Know About Women, According To A Man Who Knows Nothing

08/01/2014 04:02 pm ET | Updated Aug 01, 2014

Guys, a veritable Einstein on the ways of women exists among us and his name is Dana McLendon.

In the video above, uploaded to YouTube earlier this week, McLendon gives a breakdown of what he calls the “Universal Hot Crazy Matrix" which is “everything a young man needs to know about women."

McLendon has interacted with women for decades and in this time, he's realized that a woman's attractiveness is, more often than not, correlated with her level of crazy. (It's worth pointing out that the whole thing reeks of Barney Stinson's "crazy-hot scale" from "How I Met Your Mother.")

"Hot is measured from zero to 10," McLendon says in the clip. "We're all familiar with that. Crazy is measured from four to 10, because there's no such thing as a woman who's not, at least, a four crazy."

It only goes downhill from there. Some more choice quotes:

  • “As a rule, we do not date or marry women who are not at least, in our mind, a five.”
  • "Above the crazy line we have your danger zone. This is your redheads, your strippers, anyone named Tiffany, hairdressers."
  • "Below a five crazy and above an eight hot is your unicorn zone -- these things don't exist. If you find a unicorn please capture it safely and keep it alive because we'd like to study it and see how to replicate this."

We can't even.


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