Let's face it: We're not actually friends with all the people we're "friends" with on Facebook, which makes the site's birthday notification feature a hilariously well-meaning minefield of social niceties.
Luckily for us, comedy duo Garfunkel and Oates have their fingers on the pulse of this technological weirdness, and they've written a song about what everyone's really thinking when they wish you a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! : )" on Facebook.
Maybe your Facebook friends couldn't put a face to a name if they saw you on the street, but they do know which day on the Gregorian calendar you exited your mother's womb two decades ago. Thanks, Zuck.