Liz Phair Debuts The Season's Most Dystopian Christmas Song

Liz Phair Is Back With A Dystopian Christmas Tune
NEW YORK, NY - APRIL 17: Liz Phair attends the 'Farmland' screening at Tribeca Cinemas on April 17, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by John Lamparski/WireImage)
NEW YORK, NY - APRIL 17: Liz Phair attends the 'Farmland' screening at Tribeca Cinemas on April 17, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by John Lamparski/WireImage)

After a hiatus from releasing new music, Liz Phair is back with the most realistic Christmas song of the season. The track, entitled "Ho Ho Ho," appears on the upcoming Amazon holiday playlist "All Is Bright," alongside tunes from artists like Lucinda Williams and Beth Orton. But Phair's single does not exactly encapsulate typical holiday cheer.

"I’ve always wanted to write a dystopian Christmas song," Phair told Stereogum, who premiered the song on Tuesday. "Holidays are a time of emotional turbulence, of unpredictable highs and lows. The retail and advertising sectors bill it as the greatest time of the year, but some seasons you are saddled with a real clunker! I find that both touching and funny."

Sample lyrics include, "Doing shots of room temperature peppermint schnapps as the yule log on TV crackles and pops. They had to cut back on the most of the staff. Santa's a joker and I need a laugh."

So yeah, it's basically "Jingle Bells."

For the full track and more, head over to Stereogum.

Before You Go

1
Eric Cartman - "O Holy Night"
Worth highlighting from "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics" is Eric Cartman's solemn recitation of "O Holy Night" with lyrics adjusted to reflect Cartman's emphasis of pie and presents over Jesus' birth on Christmas.
2
Garfunkel & Oates - "Present Face"
Musical comedy duet Garfunkel & Oates, which consists of Los Angeles songwriter/actresses Kate Micucci and Riki Lindhome, nail the unpleasant experience of getting a mediocre gift on Christmas morning and pretending to love it.
3
Peter Serafinowicz - "Let's All Have A Sexual Christmas Night"
Peter Serafinowicz's ongoing segment "Ringo Remembers" from "The Peter Serafinowicz Show" are uniformly hilarious, but this one is especially great, as Serafinowicz gets to show off his Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney impressions for the best possible reason: to take down McCartney's insufferable "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime."
4
Steve Martin, Paul Simon, Billy Joel - "Silver Bells"
Legend has it that this version of "Silver Bells" with Billy Joel on piano, Paul Simon singing, and Steve Martin giving a spoken word Christmas anecdote was borne out of a boozy recording session. To be a fly on the wall during that.
5
The Lonely Island - "D**k In A Box"
Justin Timberlake teamed up with Andy Samberg for the most recent "SNL" holiday classic, describing the perfect gift that keeps on giving.
6
Monty Python - "Christmas in Heaven"
This parody Las Vegas-style act from the end of "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life" describes the perfect Christmas day in the afterlife.
7
South Park - "Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo"
We could also probably fill this entire list with songs from South Park's holiday special, "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics." The duet between Santa and Jesus, the Broflovski family "Driedel" song and Mr. Mackey's "Carol of the Bells" are highlights of this must-watch that airs on Comedy Central every year.
8
Adam Sandler - "Hanukkah Song"
OK, so this isn't technically a Christmas song, but that doesn't mean it isn't a holiday staple. When fresh-faced Adam Sandler first sang this "list of people who are Jewish, just for you and me," he probably had no idea that it would remain a classic 16 years later.
9
Blink-182 - "Happy Holidays, You Bastard" (NSFW)
Blink-182's breakneck, profanity-laden track off "Take Off Your Pants and Jacket" is a classic for anyone born after 1985. Ben Folds joins Mark Hoppus to class it up in this slowed-down version.
10
Tom Lehrer - "A Christmas Carol"
One of the godfathers of satirical songs, Tom Lehrer sharply predicts the massive commercialization of the Christmas season decades before Bill O'Reilly declared that a "War on Christmas" was afoot. (At least Lehrer was being intentionally funny, though.)
11
Weird Al - "Christmas at Ground Zero"
Recorded in the mid-'80s, Weird Al isn't singing about New York's Ground Zero in this cheerful, bouncy throwback to holiday songs from the '50s. He is, however, singing about celebrating Christmas during a nuclear holocaust.
12
Sniper - All I Want For Christmas (Is To Rock) (NSFW)
Before he was building the Nerdist empire to epic proportions Chris Hardwick was playing Stacee Jaxx in "Rock Of Ages" (yes, the role that Tom Cruise played in the movie). According to his blog, Hardwick wrote "All I Want For Christmas (Is To Rock)" for a Broadway Christmas Compilation, but it was deemed a little too racy. So he just recorded it with some other funny people.
13
Comedy Death-Ray - Do They Know It's Christmas?
If you ever wanted to hear your favorite comedians like Tig Notaro and Paul Scheer attempt to sing you're in luck!
14
Jimmy Fallon - Drunk On Christmas
Fallon and John Rich understand that you have to do what you have to do.
15
Jon Lajoie - Cold Blooded Christmas (NSFW)
Lajoie plays lovable buffoon Taco on "The League," but he's probably best known for his hilarious internet videos.
16
Denis Leary - "Merry F**king Christmas" (NSFW)
17
Tom Waits - "Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis"
This song by the gravel-voiced singer is actually more sad and poignant than funny, but you should listen anyway.

Popular in the Community

Close

What's Hot