Dan Soder And Jacqueline Novak Prepare For The Apocalypse On 'Too Long; Didn't Listen' Ep. 9

On the ninth episode of "Too Long; Didn't Listen," comedians Dan Soder And Jacqueline Novak have one thing on the brain: the end of the world.

Well, not just the end of the world. We also talk about Dan's conspiracy theory involving technology and aliens, the psychological torment that Jacqueline goes through whenever she picks up a dented can at the supermarket, how comedy is like alchemy and why all good jokes are inherently a little rude.

Highlights include:

• Why Dan has a machete in his closet and plans to walk to Colorado.
• The pros and cons of being a blogger or comedian (ahem) during the apocalypse and why we should be envious of the gun-toting, bunker-building people we make fun of.
• A conspiracy theory that human technology and civilization is all part of an alien race's experiment gone wrong.
• The shelf-life of a joke and how comics get genuine laughter vs. self-righteous applause.
• "I want to shit on what you think is special, because to me, that's what's funny. That's what I can accomplish: taking your cherished little thing, and saying 'Fuck that! It's dumb -- and here's something funny to back up that thought process." - Dan Soder
• "I get uncomfortable when everyone agrees, even if I agree with it. There's something a little gross about the sense of belonging via agreeing" - Jacqueline Novak
• "Good jokes are always inherently a little rude" - Dan Soder
• "Comedy is alchemy" - Jacqueline Novak
• Why it's suspicious to a comedian if an entire room is laughing and no one is sitting with their arms crossed.
• Musings on such dark and literary-sounding phrases as, "A punch that felt like a kiss" and "The roses paid the price."

Find Dan's tour dates on his website and check out Jacqueline's debut special, "Quality Notions" on iTunes.