It's a simple equation: 2 penises + 3 breasts = 1 weird year.
We are living in a time of amazing body parts. A man with two penises really did step into the spotlight briefly, and so did a woman who claimed to have a third breast surgically implanted. And though her story was discredited, it did serve to create a Halloween costume sensation, while also serving as promotion of "American Horror Story: Freak Show."
With that in mind, here are our Top 10 weird news stories for 2014.
Confessions Of Man With Two Penises
Sheer Photo, Inc via Getty Images
When you come to a fork in the road, you might be looking at this guy naked. A man identifying himself as "DoubleDickDude" -- or DDD -- became a legend on Reddit's "Ask Me Anything." Click through if you want to see the full double-barreled monty. DDD's medical condition -- diphallia -- only confirms that he's not alone. He describes himself as a healthy bisexual, who is currently involved with a man and a woman. His partners were dating each other before they became a threesome. We also know his underwear habits. He goes commando, except in winter, in which case each of his penises takes its own side down his skivvies. (Full Story)
Man In 'Drunk As Sh-t' Shirt Arrested For DUI
BENTON COUNTY JAIL
As Shakespeare says, "The apparel oft proclaim the man." But can it be considered, under the law, an admission of guilt? This police booking shot became our favorite mugshot. He gets bonus points for that winning smile. (Full Story)
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3-Breasted Hoax
Facebook
Headlines in late September screamed "Florida Woman Gets Third Boob To Become Unattractive To Men." We soon became suspicious because, let's face it, a third breast will only turn some men on even more. According to the woman's initial story, she spent $20K to implant a third boob because she was tired of all the attention she was getting. Of course, a cheaper, more sane option would be to wear a loose fitting sweatshirt. In any event, her now-famous triple play bikini photo became an instant sensation. Alisha Hessler -- aka "Jasmine Tridevil" -- was flattered just a few weeks later, when Halloween revelers made their own 3-breasted costume. (Full Story)
World's Dirtiest Man Smokes Poop
YouTube
While the rest of the world was extolling the virtues of a gluten-free diet, 80-year-old Amou Haji of Iran attributed his good health to not bathing for 60 years and smoking animal poop. One can only imagine him lighting up and proclaiming, "That's good sh-t!" Haji is also a big fan of porcupine meat. With all the attention, he never complained of being dubbed "World's Dirtiest Man." (Full Story)
'Breatharian' Barbie Wants To Live Off Light
Facebook
When you've spent your entire life pursuing Barbie doll perfection, what's next? You learn to live on air, light -- and nothing else. Valeria Valeryevna Lukyanova, a 29-year-old Ukrainian, admits to no other plastic surgery than breast implants. She just happens to look like the 11.5-inch blond toy responsible for setting more than a few girls on a lifetime of therapy and body issues. Lukyanova now claims she maintains her ultra thin waist by practicing Breatharianism, a New Age belief system in which followers neither eat nor drink. They believe they can draw "cosmic micro-food" through light and air. Of course, Mattel's Barbie doesn't need to eat at all. That's why she has all those fabulous outfits and no digestive tract. (Full Story)
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Sex Toy Stuck In Woman's Vagina For 10 Years
Journal Of Sexual Medicine
A 38-year-old woman in Scotland was shaking, incontinent and suffering severe weight loss when doctors found the cause of her trouble -- a 5-inch sex toy, lost in her vagina for 10 years, according to the Journal of Sexual Medicine. The woman, said to be of normal intelligence, told doctors she didn't remember whether or not she took the plaything out after a drunken encounter several years earlier. Remember, kids: Autos aren't the only thing you shouldn't operate while intoxicated. (Full Story)
Ocean Sex Sucks
Ilyas Kalimullin via Getty Images
Bad sexual encounters typically end too quickly with lame excuses and hurt feelings. This time, the sex sucked so bad, it seemed to never end. An Italian couple created a vacuum while making love in the water -- and they couldn't separate. Their evening ended in a hospital emergency room. (Full Story)
9-Pound Hairball Removed From Girl's Stomach
Buzz 60
18-year-old Ayperi Alekseeva was complaining of stomach pains when she was admitted into a Kyrgyzstan hospital. What the doctors pulled out of her -- a 9-pound hairball -- garnered headlines around the world. Doctors said she had a nasty habit of chewing the tips of her hair -- a practice she promised to end. (Full Story)
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