Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Every time we take our dog to obedience school I can't help but think about everything that we did wrong when we were training our kids.
— John Willey (@DaddysinCharge) January 12, 2015
Me: Do you want to do your homework right now so it isn't a big fight tonight as usual?
— James (@JamesHudyma) January 13, 2015
7yo: No thanks. I like to do things the hard way.
Delayed school openings: Because every parent wants an extra 90 minutes with their kids on a Monday morning.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) January 12, 2015
I'm sorry, he never acts like this. He must be coming down with something.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 12, 2015
-Me, lying
Had a great day with my 8 year old!
— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) January 12, 2015
(caved in to to all his demands)
The only knock-knock joke my toddler knows is the one that has a million knocks and no punch line.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) January 13, 2015
I've been carrying an acorn in my pocket for 3 months; I never know when my son might want it back & I want to avoid a meltdown. PARENTING!
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) January 13, 2015
I dropped off my kids in the IKEA daycare, 17 days ago. They're still putting together their kitchen cabinets.
— Sara (@sara_ashlynn) January 14, 2015
Me, starting to correct the 3yo: Hey, hey, hey!
— Stephanie Jankowski (@CrazyExhaustion) January 14, 2015
3yo: You coulda been getting down to dis sick beat!
Aaand no more Taylor Swift.
That moment when you wave goodbye to a guest and realise that your 3 year old has been naked from the waist down for some time. Yes. That.
— Caitrᅢᆳona Redmond (@wholesomeIE) January 14, 2015
*4 walks out of bathroom*
— Dakota (@iTweetMedicated) January 15, 2015
"What did you feed me last night!"
Pregnant? To prepare for feeding your future child, spend the next several months dining out with an allergy-prone, PMSing vegan.
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) January 15, 2015
At this point, 2/3 of my parenting strategy is YouTube videos of trucks.
— Bunmi Laditan (@BunmiLaditan) January 14, 2015
Son: I'm stepping on your shadow
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) January 15, 2015
Me: Yeah? Which part?
Son: Your bum. It's the biggest & fits both my feet.
How a mother starts her day.
Parents who are not wearing pajamas when you drop your kids off at school: I admire you. (I will never be you, though)
— Allison the Meep (@allisonthemeep) January 15, 2015
Demise of literature in schools illustrated by my 10yo seeing "To Kill A Mockingbird" and believing it to be a sequel to "Hunger Games."
— Kelly Phillips Erb (@taxgirl) January 15, 2015
"Stop, drop and roll" but for the kids to exit the car quickly when I take them to school.
— snowjob (@canadasandra) January 16, 2015
When my wife says “That’s cute” about the kids, she means “That’s cute”
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 16, 2015
When she says it about me, she means “Do it again & I will end you”
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.