Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Can someone turn the wind off for my 3yo? He can't eat breakfast if it's windy out which would make sense IF WE WERE EATING OUTSIDE.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) February 5, 2015
What I say to my son: "Get dressed."
— Sarah del Rio (@sarahdelri0) February 3, 2015
His interpretation: "Stand around naked watching television with one sock on."
My husband brings much-needed comic relief to our morning routine, like, "Just tell her she can't wear that leotard to school. No battle."
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) February 4, 2015
My 9yo is acting shocked that the pop tart he left near me is missing. It's like he hasn't been paying attention at all this past decade.
— JennyPentland (@JennyPentland) February 3, 2015
Warning: I just became drunk w/ power & pulled the ultimate dad move: I turned off the internet b/c my son wouldn’t brush his teeth.
— Zach Rosenberg (@zjrosenberg) February 5, 2015
When you're trying to leave your house to get somewhere with little kids, it's a toddler tornado and sanity is the first casualty.
— Jay (@theshamingofjay) February 3, 2015
A cute thing I often tell my kids is, "You guys can NOT let mom know I let you do this."
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 3, 2015
Most of my time as a mother has been spent in a closet, eating something I didn't want to share.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 3, 2015
Hearing my husband say "I gotta go potty" in public was reason enough to have children
— One Classy Motha (@MothaKim) February 5, 2015
Sometimes I like to pretend I'm back in NY and ignore all the people that walk by me... in the kitchen. And living room. And bedroom.
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) February 6, 2015
What they said: Dad, we wanna help shovel.
— Babies Daddy (@dshack8) February 5, 2015
What I heard: Dad, we're gonna goof off & need u to help us put our gloves back on every 30 secs.
At Dr's appt:
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) February 5, 2015
"Are you stressed?"
Me-Laughs hysterically.
"Do you drink a lot of coffee?"
Falls off examining table laughing.
"I HAVE KIDS."
My 4yo just stood in front of me buck naked and sang Yankee Doodle Dandy complete with choreography.
— JuneBug (@jenyb4) February 3, 2015
No DNA test necessary.
All the Frozen crap in my daughter's room makes me feel like I must be paying the mortgage on Elsa's ice castle.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) February 4, 2015
"zack, go upstairs and get your iPhone 55." -- my 8 year old imagining his life as a parent.
— Jenni Konner (@JenniKonner) February 4, 2015
90% of parenting is peeling clementines and lying about what time it is.
— Bunmi Laditan (@BunmiLaditan) February 4, 2015
Cleaning the bathroom always reminds me that only about 18% of my son's urine actually makes it into the toilet bowl.
— Sara (@smilely_gal) February 5, 2015
The only one who truly understands me is the broken child lock on our pantry.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) February 5, 2015
"This Is Not A Restaurant."
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) February 5, 2015
- A Comprehensive Cook Book For Parents
Having dinner w my 4yo = getting red in the face while he refuses to eat
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 5, 2015
Sharing breakfast w my 4yo = going hungry as he ransacks my plate
Of course I talk in my sleep. I have twin 5yos, I answer most of their questions while I'm still asleep.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) February 6, 2015
Like Us On Facebook |
Follow Us On Twitter |
Contact HuffPost Parents
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.