The Question You Should Ask In Every Relationship (VIDEO)

02/12/2015 08:58 am ET | Updated Feb 12, 2015

Progressive pastor Rob Bell and his partner of 20 years, Kristen, say they know the secret to having a more joyful and connected marriage. The Zimzum of Love: A New Way of Understanding Marriage is their first book together, though Rob already has bestsellers under his belt (including Love Wins and What We Talk About When We Talk About God).

In this preview clip from the Bells' upcoming "Super Soul Sunday" interview, Rob and Kristen share the question that every person in a relationship should ask their partner:

"What do you need?"

"That's such a leveler," Oprah says. "Isn't that a great question?"

On the surface it seems simple enough, but Rob explains why there's so much more to this question. "Think about how many people, if you were to ask them -- your partner -- what do they want in life? What are the top three things they most want? And what does it look like for them to thrive? How many people couldn't name that for their partner?" he asks.

Along with not being able to name their partner's deepest needs, Rob says he's found that many people cannot even name their own needs.

Kristen adds that it's important to approach this conversation as openly as possible. "When you sit down and say, 'What do you need?' It's a different energy," she says. "It's like you're moving towards the person instead of away from the person."

"Super Soul Sunday" with Rob and Kristen Bell airs February 15 at 11 a.m. ET on OWN. You can also join the worldwide simulcast on Oprah.com/supersoulsunday or Facebook.com/supersoulsunday.

Register now for Rob Bell's six-lesson eCourse to find joy and meaning in everyday life.

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Quotes From Super Soul Sunday
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