Forget what you thought you knew about nutrition, bedtime and the relationship between behavior and rewards. Read on for the latest wisdom from experts around the world...
Broccoli Contains No Nutrients
A group of broccoli farmers have been arrested after it has been revealed that broccoli contains no vitamins, minerals or nutrients. This comes as a shock to parents who have been making their toddlers eat bites of the garbage vegetable.
If you have broccoli in your home, you are advised to burn it or throw it in the outside trash immediately. It wouldn't hurt to apologize to your kids either. Suitable replacements for broccoli in your family's meals include: pink Starbursts, white bread, unbroken crackers, milk and string cheese.
Firm Bedtimes Hurt Toddlers
A new study out of São Paulo, Brazil, found that children who were allowed to roam the house until they naturally fell asleep next to the stairs were much happier and less likely to slap than their toddler peers. Researchers completed a complicated and totally legit sleep study that followed 180 toddlers and their parents for one year.
Toddlers who were not given a firm bedtime and instead were allowed to watch Big Hero Six on Blu-ray until around midnight said that they were "more fulfilled" and "thinking about colleges." Toddlers who were forced to stay in their beds like prisoners at 7 p.m. said that they "felt like hitting" and "hate their life."
Parents around the world are adopting the no-bedtime trend, and shares of caffeine-related companies are soaring.
Toddlers Who Don't Get Between 2-3 Reese's Cups A Day Can't Love
A new study out of Denmark revealed that toddlers who don't get between two and three Reese's Peanut Butter cups a day showed less affection than their peers. The study followed 35 toddlers over the course of six months. Toddler parents who shared their candy instead of eating it in the bathroom like a common thief reported that their children were kinder than their friend's hateful kids.
Pediatricians are now advising parents to stock up on Reese's Cups and distribute a package at breakfast, lunch and then again at dinner no matter how many vegetables were eaten. Snickers bars can also be used in a pinch. If your toddler has a peanut allergy, Skittles are fine.
But most importantly...
Happy April Fools' Day!