Learning To Play Settlers Of Catan Is Learning To Cope With An Existential Nightmare

04/10/2015 01:16 pm ET | Updated Apr 10, 2015

Why play a board game when you could just play God?

But what if God is the board game? Wait -- what if we are God's board game?

Never mind all that, before you can play God Settlers Of Catan, you have to learn the rules first. It's actually pretty straightforward. But if the rules seem complicated, that's because there are no rules, and life is one big, existential terror.

Seriously, did Jean-Paul Sartre write this instruction manual?

Just kidding! It's as simple as winning 10 victory points.

Good luck, and remember: The Brooklyn version is easier to win, but it's ultimately less satisfying.

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