Is Your Dad Weird? We Have The Perfect Father's Day Gift

06/12/2015 10:19 am ET | Updated Jun 12, 2015

A father's work is never done, especially when it comes to hinting what gifts he'd prefer to get on Father's Day.

While advertisers inundate us with messages that Dad wants barbecue supplies, ties, or golf gear, the truth is, papa really wants something that is one-of-a-kind, something unique, something weird.

Sadly, even the most intuitive kids don't pick up their patriarch's signals when it comes to Father's Day.

That's why we're making it simple with our Fifth Annual Weird Father's Day Gift Guide.

Dad: Simply show the photos to your clueless offspring and relax, knowing that your Father's Day will be fun, satisfying, and, yes, weird.

  • Mount Kissmore
    Dad's world will be rocked all night when he sees this polystone sculpture of the only band that matters. He will then party every day he sees Mount Kissmore on his mantel.
  • Strongman Toilet Paper Holder
    The toilet roll holder is supposed to be a modern convenience. Instead, it's just a source of arguments since people can't agree whether the roll should go over the top or under the bottom. The Gluty-S Maximus roll holder solves the problem by putting the roll where it should go -- on the barbells of a mustachioed circus strongman.
  • Condiment Gun
    The Second Amendment doesn't specifically guarantee the right for Americans to use firearms as a way to apply condiments onto hot dogs, but you'll have to pry this condiment gun from my cold dead hands.
  • She Smelt It -- He Dealt It Pillows
    In every parental relationship, there is a division of labor. It's never been defined more clearly than in this lovely set of pillow cases.
  • Secret Agent Protection Alarm Clock
    If the first thing your dad says when it's time to wake up is "Shoot!" this alarm clock gun is the perfect gift for him. When you press the trigger, it flashes the time. Perfect for those times in the middle of the night when you just want to shoot a firearm, but don't want to get out of bed to unlock the cabinet where you stored them.
  • Wooden Ties
    Photo by David Moye
    Getting Dad a tie is the ultimate Father's Day cliche, but cliches are there for a reason. This stylish wooden tie is tasteful and eye-catching and much easier to wear than conventional ties.
  • Triple Beverage Dispenser Backpack
    There's nothing worse than being thirsty. There's nothing better to counteract that than this triple beverage dispenser. Dad will be the life of the party, but only if he chooses to share the booze with others. And, yes, he's going to fill it with booze. You don't give a dad a triple beverage dispenser and expect him to fill it with soft drinks, do you?
  • Ninja Garden Gnome
    As "The Wizard of Oz" proves, scarecrows are woefully inept at actually scaring away birds. Not so with a ninja garden gnome. If it isn't the solar-powered glowing eyes, it's the fact you never know where they are in the garden.
  • Darth Vader Onesie
    Jennifer Moye
    If your dad was the one who introduced you to "Star Wars," he will tear up when you give him this Darth Vader onesie. If he likes corny jokes, you will cry the 759th time he says, "Luke, I am your father" after he puts it on.
  • Half Pint Glass
    If Dad needs to cut down on his beer intake, but doesn't want to be so obvious about it, this half pint beer glass will do the trick.
  • Pinata Filled With Booze
    Usually, pinatas are seen at kiddie parties, but adults will want to take a swing when they realize this pinata is filled with mini booze bottles rather than Now & Laters or Lemonheads.
  • Coffee Mug That Looks Like Camera Lens
    A lot of dads love things that look like something other than what they actually are. This coffee mug looks like a camera lens. Too bad the company doesn't make a camera lens that looks like a coffee mug.
  • Star Wars Pancake Molds
    Want to serve breakfast in bed to Pop? He will be forced to appreciate your efforts when he sees pancakes shaped like various Star Wars characters. Of course, you're liable to hear him say, "Luke, I am your batter," more times than anyone deserves.
  • Mug On A Mug
    Dads love beer and they like themselves. Therefore, the only thing your dad likes more than a mug of beer would be one with his face on it. A good glass of beer has a head on it. Might as well be your dad's.
  • Shot Glass Roulette
    Being a good dad is a gamble, but not the fun Las Vegas kind. If you've driven your dad to drink, then at least make it fun for him by playing a few rounds of shot glass roulette. Remember the No. 1 rule: Always bet on blackout.
  • Bluetooth-Connected Lightbulbs
    Even if your dad isn't too bright, he should be able to understand the appeal of having Bluetooth-connected lightbulbs capable of playing his, ugh, "Dad rock" without hooking up an archaic stereo system. The lightbulbs also can change colors to reflect his various moods, such as when he can't get his Bluetooth lightbulbs to work right.
  • The Swuit
    Even the biggest slob of a dad will be willing to dress up if he's allowed to wear the Swuit, a dress suit made from sweatsuit material. Take it from personal experience: If Dad wears this in public, he will be asked to take selfies with pretty much everyone not in your family.
  • Wireless Stereo System That Looks Like A Flask With A Skull On It
    Imagine the conversation you will have with Dad when he opens the box containing this gift. "This is great," he'll say. "A flask with a skull on it!" "Actually, Dad, it's a wireless stereo system that looks like a flask." "But this is a picture of a skull, right? Not something else?" "No, that's a skull, but the object isn't a flask. It's a wireless stereo system." "OK. Now I need a drink, which I could have if you gave me a real flask instead of a wireless stereo system that looks like one." "Oh, Dad."
  • Ninja With Wallet Ninja
    Some dads don't like to go anywhere without a tool chest or tool belt. This can be awkward when he wants to get on a plane, or go to a concert hall. For those occasions, there is the Wallet Ninja, which is only the size of a credit card but contains a bottle opener, mini-ruler, can opener, screwdrivers, letter opener and margarita blender (I made the last one up).
  • Shaidee
    It's tough being a new dad because you're so big and they're so little. Plus, you quickly realize that EVERYTHING you do could have an effect on them, either positive or negative. The Shaidee is a way to protect the little nipper from getting sunburned while you're out and about without you having to pay too much attention to them.

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  • IGrow Laser Helmet
    Dad may say he doesn't want anything for Father's Day, but, chances are, he would like back some of the hair he pulled out of his head trying to raise you properly. The IGrow hair growth system is supposed to increase hair growth through a helmet that shoots laser beams on the scalp. It costs $695, but you should get that money back from Dad when you threaten to post photos of him wearing the helmet on social media.
  • Six Pack Beer Belt
    If your dad's idea of a seven-course meal is a steak and a six-pack, the beer belt is perfect. It allows Pop to keep six cans of whatever he likes close at hand. To make this gift even classier (if that's possible), you can have it monogrammed.
  • FitBand
    Your dad's gut may be pouring out over his Dockers, but the FitBand will allow him to regain a little bit of his girlish figure while reducing lower back strain. Whether he gets his dignity back is another story.
  • Giant Fishing Lure
    Catching a big fish requires a big lure. At least that's the theory behind this six-foot-tall fishing lure. It costs more than $400, but when Dad opens up the box and sees it, he'll be hooked -- line, sinker and everything else.
  • Tent That Looks Like 1965 VW Van
    Does your dad constantly blab about the olden days when he used to follow Dave Matthews or Phish around the country while selling bootleg concert T-shirts? He can relive those days with a tent designed to look like a 1965 VW van (bootleg concert T-shirts sold separately).
  • Sunglasses That Double As Beer Openers
    For some boozehound daddies, nothing is worse than being without a bottle opener. Brewsees solves that dilemma by putting bottle openers on the frames of sunglasses. Best of all: Your father will spend hours telling people about how, when all hope was lost, your gift allowed him to get his drink on.
  • Tiny Statues Of People Having Sex
    Ever wonder why Dad spends so many hours tending to his garden. With these little statues, the answer is obvious: He's watching 3D porn.
  • Donkey Piss Tequila
    A dad who likes tequila is an easy dad to buy gifts for. And if your dad also likes donkeys, piss or the combination of donkeys and piss, you will be his favorite child with this subtly named spirit.
  • My Little Pony Boxers
    A good dad is one who is secure in his masculinity. What better way to show that faith in him than a pair of Rainbow Dash-themed boxers. It will bring out the Brony in him.
  • Putter Cup
    Dads who love golf are the easiest to buy for because they love anything related to the sport. But this coffee cup that doubles as a tiny putter cup is great because he can practice his swing at the breakfast table.
  • Knit Gladiator Helmet
    With global warming nigh, your dad may not have many chances to wear this beanie designed to look like a gladiator helmet. But he will appreciate that you want to keep his head warm in a whimsical fashion. It will also come in handy if he ever has to portray a Roman centurion in freezing weather.
  • Zombie Socks
    The verdict is still out on what kind of fashions will be popular during the impending zombie apocalypse. However, these zombie socks bring new meaning to the term "Walking Dead."
  • T&A Pole Dancer Drink Stirrer and Skull Glass
    No matter how much your dad loves being your father (and I'm sure he does), there is still a part of him that fondly remembers when he was a dashing young blade. These cocktail stirrers of pole dancers will remind him of the times when he learned the hard way that there is no sex in the champagne room.
  • Bacon Wallet
    It's safe to say we've reached peak bacon. However, part of being a dad means being slightly behind the times so he will love this bacon wallet and be convinced that he is somehow "hip" by using it. That is, unless he's a vegan.
  • DarthDriver
    When your dad's golfing foursome see this Darth Vader cover on his drivers, they will know he is a force to be reckoned with.
  • False Teeth Bottle Opener
    A wall-mounted bottle opener is good to have, especially near the barbecue. Your dad won't get in your grill when he gets this handy gift.
  • Reel Roaster Lifestyle
    Nothing is more relaxing than roasting weenies or marshmallows over an open fire, but the constant turning needed for an even burn can be boring -- or worse! -- lead to carpal tunnel syndrome. Reel Roasters are set up like a fishing pole so that Dad can relax while cooking his weenie to his exact specifications.
  • Fancy Looking Bibs
    Just because your dad is dressed to the nines doesn't mean he's not a slob when he eats. Sadly, it's not respectable for an adult to ask for a bib. But Dress Tiez bibs allow Pop to eat like a pig without worrying he will get most of his meal on his shirt.
  • ManCrates Zombie Kit
    If there is one thing that could mar Father's Day, it's Dad's nervously worrying that the impending zombie apocalypse is about to strike that very minute. Think of how at ease he will feel when he opens up this crate chock full of handy zombie-fighting goodies, including spam, a machete, and duct tape.
  • Bottle Stopper
    How big is this guy's appendage? Big enough to cork a wine bottle. 'Nuff said.
  • Chinon Legato Speaker For iPhone
    If Pop is an audiophile, he might occasionally gripe about the bad sound quality of iPhones. That is, when he's griping about his arthritis, rheumatism or not being able to carry an AK-47 into Chipotle. The Legato uses a wood horn-like creation to naturally amplify the iPhone without the use of batteries. He will be happy with the sound, and go back to griping about not being able to bring firearms into Chipotle.
  • Waterproof Bluetooth Speaker That Looks Like Sperm
    If you're spending Father's Day by the pool, Dad will get a kick out of this waterproof bluetooth speaker that allows him to play his favorite tunes without risking ruining that iPod you gave him last year. This speaker is called the Swimmer, which is fitting since it looks just like the "swimmers" that made him a dad in the first place.
  • Spinach Can Koozie
    Halloween Costumes
    Just because Dad drinks a lot of beer doesn't mean he wants everyone to know. This Koozie will keep his suds cold while fooling everyone else that he's actually eating salad. Lots and lots of salad. Like 12 cans at a time.
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