A father's work is never done, especially when it comes to hinting what gifts he'd prefer to get on Father's Day.
While advertisers inundate us with messages that Dad wants barbecue supplies, ties, or golf gear, the truth is, papa really wants something that is one-of-a-kind, something unique, something weird.
Sadly, even the most intuitive kids don't pick up their patriarch's signals when it comes to Father's Day.
That's why we're making it simple with our Fifth Annual Weird Father's Day Gift Guide.
Dad: Simply show the photos to your clueless offspring and relax, knowing that your Father's Day will be fun, satisfying, and, yes, weird.
Dad's world will be rocked all night when he sees this polystone sculpture
of the only band that matters. He will then party every day he sees Mount Kissmore on his mantel.
The toilet roll holder is supposed to be a modern convenience. Instead, it's just a source of arguments since people can't agree whether the roll should go over the top or under the bottom. The Gluty-S Maximus
roll holder solves the problem by putting the roll where it should go -- on the barbells of a mustachioed circus strongman.
The Second Amendment doesn't specifically guarantee the right for Americans to use firearms as a way to apply condiments onto hot dogs, but you'll have to pry this condiment gun
from my cold dead hands.
In every parental relationship, there is a division of labor. It's never been defined more clearly than in this lovely set of pillow cases.
If the first thing your dad says when it's time to wake up is "Shoot!" this alarm clock gun
is the perfect gift for him.
When you press the trigger, it flashes the time. Perfect for those times in the middle of the night when you just want to shoot a firearm, but don't want to get out of bed to unlock the cabinet where you stored them.
Getting Dad a tie is the ultimate Father's Day cliche, but cliches are there for a reason. This stylish wooden tie
is tasteful and eye-catching and much easier to wear than conventional ties.
There's nothing worse than being thirsty.
There's nothing better to counteract that than this triple beverage dispenser.
Dad will be the life of the party, but only if he chooses to share the booze with others.
And, yes, he's going to fill it with booze. You don't give a dad a triple beverage dispenser and expect him to fill it with soft drinks, do you?
As "The Wizard of Oz" proves, scarecrows are woefully inept at actually scaring away birds. Not so with a ninja garden gnome.
If it isn't the solar-powered glowing eyes, it's the fact you never know where they are in the garden.
If your dad was the one who introduced you to "Star Wars," he will tear up when you give him this Darth Vader onesie.
If he likes corny jokes, you will cry the 759th time he says, "Luke, I am your father" after he puts it on.
If Dad needs to cut down on his beer intake, but doesn't want to be so obvious about it, this half pint beer glass
will do the trick.
Usually, pinatas are seen at kiddie parties, but adults will want to take a swing when they realize this pinata is filled with mini booze bottles
rather than Now & Laters or Lemonheads.
A lot of dads love things that look like something other than what they actually are. This coffee mug looks like a camera lens.
Too bad the company doesn't make a camera lens that looks like a coffee mug.
Dads love beer and they like themselves. Therefore, the only thing your dad likes more than a mug of beer would be one with his face on it.
A good glass of beer has a head on it. Might as well be your dad's.
Being a good dad is a gamble, but not the fun Las Vegas kind. If you've driven your dad to drink, then at least make it fun for him by playing a few rounds of shot glass roulette.
Remember the No. 1 rule: Always bet on blackout.
Even if your dad isn't too bright, he should be able to understand the appeal of having Bluetooth-connected lightbulbs
capable of playing his, ugh, "Dad rock" without hooking up an archaic stereo system.
The lightbulbs also can change colors to reflect his various moods, such as when he can't get his Bluetooth lightbulbs to work right.
Even the biggest slob of a dad will be willing to dress up if he's allowed to wear the Swuit,
a dress suit made from sweatsuit material.
Take it from personal experience: If Dad wears this in public, he will be asked to take selfies with pretty much everyone not in your family.
Imagine the conversation you will have with Dad when he opens the box containing this gift.
"This is great," he'll say. "A flask with a skull on it!"
"Actually, Dad, it's a wireless stereo system that looks like a flask."
"But this is a picture of a skull, right? Not something else?"
"No, that's a skull, but the object isn't a flask. It's a wireless stereo system."
"OK. Now I need a drink, which I could have if you gave me a real flask instead of a wireless stereo system that looks like one."
Some dads don't like to go anywhere without a tool chest or tool belt. This can be awkward when he wants to get on a plane, or go to a concert hall. For those occasions, there is the Wallet Ninja,
which is only the size of a credit card but contains a bottle opener, mini-ruler, can opener, screwdrivers, letter opener and margarita blender (I made the last one up).
It's tough being a new dad because you're so big and they're so little. Plus, you quickly realize that EVERYTHING you do could have an effect on them, either positive or negative.
is a way to protect the little nipper from getting sunburned while you're out and about without you having to pay too much attention to them.