Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
"Good morning. How may I provide you with excellent customer service?" --what I guess 6 hears when I ask him what he wants for breakfast
— Tweets McMeh (@TheAlexNevil) July 29, 2015
Their stare suggests they're listening, and yet... Me: "Cheese or ham on your sandwiches?" 4yo: "Tuna please" 5yo: "Egg mayonnaise"
— Mark, Sonny, & Luca (@sonnyandluca) July 27, 2015
"How was your vacation?" "I didn't go on vacation. I was babysitting my kids while they were on vacation."
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) July 28, 2015
My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 28, 2015
Toddlers are good at: Eating all your food Embarrassing you in public Peeing everywhere Shattering glasses Shattering dreams Pooping
— Court (@Discourt) July 29, 2015
What I say: Do it NOW. What the child hears: Don't do it. In fact, don't even move. Just continue playing that iPad game until 2019.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) July 28, 2015
Why do toddlers have to take an afternoon nap when it's the adults who are struggling to keep their eyes open.
— Honest Toddler (@HonestToddler) July 27, 2015
(Walking through 115 year old house) 4yo: "These stairs can hold us up fine, but I'm not sure they can hold YOU up, Daddy!" Oh.
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) July 30, 2015
You don't know true suffering until your kid gets the "Musical Doodle" song from SpongeBob stuck in your head.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) July 27, 2015
A solid 77% of being a Dad during the Summer is spent yelling at kids to keep the door closed so the flies don't get in.
— Babies Daddy (@dshack8) July 27, 2015
I asked my daughter why she's crying like she needs a reason.
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) July 27, 2015
Made it to that level of dad where I'm basically just IT support for a household of electronics.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 28, 2015
How is it my dog understands the word no, but my children don't?
— C. Love (@LoveNLunchmeat) July 28, 2015
Ever notice in the story of the 3 bears, Papa Bear's porridge is piping hot, baby's is perfect, & poor Mama Bear's is cold? I get it now.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) July 27, 2015
If Bear Grills is such a "survival expert", I'd like to see him survive a 5 hour car ride with my kids.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 28, 2015
My hobbies include driving kids to gymnastics, driving kids to dance, driving kids to cheerleading, and trying to stay awake.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) July 29, 2015
The shortest unit of time is the period between cleaning the kitchen floor and the kids stomping a strawberry into it.
— Backpacking Dad (@BackpackingDad) July 29, 2015
The kids are with their cousins for two weeks and we're deciding how much to offer their aunt and uncle to keep them until school starts.
— Befrazzled (@4boding) July 29, 2015
My son just got me with the high five down low too slow bit so the student has officially surpassed the master.
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) July 26, 2015
90% of my 5yo's questions start with "Daddy, who would win in a fight..."
— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) July 27, 2015
Also on HuffPost:
Cute Kid Notes
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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