The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
finding out a crush likes you back is like frantically running after a bus in front of mad people and actually catching it
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) September 10, 2015
running for congress to introduce a law banning adult men from wearing overall shorts
— Joanna Rothkopf (@joannarothkopf) September 9, 2015
So we still can't leave voicemail on FaceTime, huh?
— Taryn Finley (@_TARYNitUP) September 9, 2015
What do you call a beautiful woman who's slept with over 100 people?
A beautiful woman, you slut-shaming jackass.
— batkaren (@batkaren) September 7, 2015
There wasnt a dry eye in the room = I threw chopped onions at everyone
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 6, 2015
I want to become just famous enough that someone asks me to write down everything I eat for a week
— Katie Heaney (@KTHeaney) September 4, 2015
How mad is Gwyneth that she can't use the hashtag #AppleEvent for her daughter's upcoming birthday
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) September 9, 2015
"Et tu, bootay?" -Julius Caesar's favorite pickup line.
— Awkward Girl (@AwkGrlPrblms) September 9, 2015
I'm having a bad day so I'm looking up "cheesiest recipes" while eating a container of cubed cheddar.
— Allison P Davis (@AllisonPDavis) September 3, 2015
Call me when Apple comes out with a less haunted and thinner Ouija board.
— Jackie Carbajal (@jackiecarbajal) September 10, 2015
when will apple invent an iTime Travel Machine so I can go back to high school and become a youtube star
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) September 9, 2015
Stop hating people who live in your phone.
Hate your neighbors like a normal person.
— Laura (@mayuliveornot) September 5, 2015
How do I blame all this on a typo?
*gestures to entire life
— Donna McCoy (@Donna_McCoy) September 4, 2015
The only time I brush my teeth for 2 minutes is when someone else is standing next to me.
— Slightly funny Jew (@Dani_Feld) September 9, 2015
I hope there's a part 2 of Partition on Bey's next album but from the driver's point of view
— actual mango tree (@sailornegro) September 6, 2015
Take away your handsome husband, beautiful home, those happy kids and what would you be?
Me, you'd be me.
— Sondra (@SondraDeeMe) September 11, 2015
Just watched 3 people jogging outside and it has inspired me to get up and close the blinds.
— Baked Potato (@TrueTorontoGirl) September 11, 2015
bruised ego tip #872662: reply to rejection emails in comic sans to show them you never rated (the offer) anyways.
— marcía (@kcheersbye) September 11, 2015
My head's saying clean your room but my heart's saying Netflix
— Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) September 10, 2015
just bit into an apple, looked down at it, was horrified and then remembered I had just put on lipstick
— Caroline Bologna (@CarolineSB) September 10, 2015
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