Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Mom pro tip: If you're old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you're old enough to make it yourself.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 22, 2015
3: ready! Me: you're not wearing pants! 3: I'm not cold Me: it's cool outside 3: So? Just buy me hot chocolate So I have a new life coach..
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 23, 2015
Belched the words "brush your teeth" to my kids and am now a hero in their eyes. It ain't pretty, it ain't classy, but I get it done.
— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) September 25, 2015
90% of parenting is saying "Wow" and "Really?" and "That's AMAZING!" to a constant stream of shit you don't care about.
— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) September 22, 2015
"I like the girl one, not the boy one. Can we listen to the girl one now?" - My 4-year-old's hot take on Ryan Adam's 1989 cover
— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) September 21, 2015
There's no such thing as parenting advice. There are only parenting warnings.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) September 22, 2015
Parenting Level: Using plot points from My Little Pony to win an argument against my 5yo daughter.
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) September 22, 2015
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 22, 2015
"Want to see something cool?!" —my son anytime he's about to show me something that isn't really that cool
— The Daddy Complex (@thedaddycomplex) September 23, 2015
The Girl: Why would someone dress like a hamster? Me:.... Do you mean hipster? Girl: What's the difference?
— Ponies and Martinis (@PonyMartini) September 24, 2015
There are at least a dozen buzzards circling around the soccer field this morning. Just waiting to pick off a tired kindergartner.
— Will Goldstein (@willgoldstein) September 20, 2015
Files kid's school fundraising info safely in the trash.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) September 22, 2015
My 5yo knows how to make 100 different mods in Minecraft, but can't cut his own waffle.
— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) September 23, 2015
Parenthood is like a roller coaster: Vomit. Lots of vomit.
— Li'l Edie Pentland (@JennyPentland) September 25, 2015
I seem to be in a Fate's Funniest Home Videos, where in I get kicked in the nutsack every ten minutes and the audience laughs uproariously.
— The Wind Cries Meh (@TheAlexNevil) September 22, 2015
Me: I'm headed to the Eye Doctor. 7: Oh, is he going to fix all the red cracks in your eyes? Me:
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) September 23, 2015
Me (to others) "I want my daughter to grow up to be inquisitive" Me (to my daughter) "Will you stop asking so many $@!# damn questions!"
— The Walking Dad (@RealDMK) September 23, 2015
My 4yo said he could buckle his seatbelt without help this morning. We are still sitting in the driveway & it's starting to get dark.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) September 22, 2015
As a parent, sometimes I get to pee alone in silence. It might be 2:15am. But I’m still alone.
— Court (@Discourt) September 23, 2015
Also on HuffPost:
Cute Kid Notes
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.