Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
"Apparently, I'll just sleep when I'm dead." ~Parents who haven't slept in years.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) October 7, 2015
The feeling I got when I was in my 20's at a club and Jesse's Girl came on is the same feeling I get now when Goldfish crackers are on sale.
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) October 5, 2015
Dear parents who line up 45 minutes early in the school pick-up line, I don't understand.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) October 8, 2015
I don't mean to brag but I'm really doing a lot better in 6th grade my second time around.
— Jackie MacDougall (@jackiemacd) October 9, 2015
Parenting tip: When arguing with your teen, don't rap, "Take it from me, parents just don't understand!" They'll stare at you blankly.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) October 6, 2015
I can't wait to fight with my kids this morning. I mean wake my kids up this morning. Potato, potahto.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) October 7, 2015
Most of parenthood is spent saying, "Just a minute."
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 8, 2015
Anyone else have trouble getting out the door because their child is perpetually narrating her own imaginary YouTube show?
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) October 5, 2015
6yo boy at school today, "Most days I'm full of something."
— Karen Cole (@karlou) October 5, 2015
Me: *shows pic* This is me at your age. 3-year-old: You were cute. Me: I know. 3-year-old: When did you get ugly?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 5, 2015
"Are you sure you don't need a lid?" Tonight at 9: One parent's sorrowful tale of regret
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 7, 2015
1yo:
— Karen Callahan (@totmessmom) October 9, 2015Me: "Use your words" 1yo: "WORDS!"
Is my costume here yet? Is my costume here yet? Is my costume here yet? Is my costume here yet? Is my costume here yet? -My 8yo's theme song
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) October 5, 2015
[5yo writes "I hate pizza" on the wall.] Dad: What are y- Mom: Don't respond. She's just trolling you. - Parenting in 2015
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) October 6, 2015
Reason #76 why you should not leave the sugar bowl unattended: your 3yo may pour out the contents & drive Thomas The Tank Engine over it.
— Caitriona Redmond (@wholesomeIE) October 6, 2015
Me: i want you to try some roast 8yo: no! That's gross! *eats his own booger
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) October 5, 2015
Dear children, It's not actually necessary for me to put your birthdays in my calendar. It's not like you'd let me forget them. Signed, Mom
— qwertygirl (@qwertygirl) October 5, 2015
I know you're my people if I hear you humming the Paw Patrol theme song then catch you trying to aggressively shake it out of your head.
— Mike Reynolds (@PuzzlingPostDad) October 8, 2015
7yo: Mom. Come here. Me: What is it? 7yo: Come here. Me: Just tell me. 7yo: No. You have to come here. Me: FINE. *goes* 7yo: Is this dirt?
— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) October 8, 2015
One fun thing about daughters is getting to tell them 100 times at dinner that their hair is in their spaghetti.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 7, 2015
Also on HuffPost:
Cute Kid Notes
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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