Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Neighbor: you guys moving? Me: *trying to stuff 11 suitcases into trunk* no, just heading to the playground for the afternoon
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 1, 2015
Reached the level of parenting where I know exactly when and where something is going to fall, and I blindly catch it like a ninja.
— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) December 1, 2015
Now that my kids are older, they're annoyed when I pee with the bathroom door open, never realizing that they're the ones who trained me to.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) December 3, 2015
When a parent tears up, they could be thinking about good times, they could be thinking about hard times, but most likely, it's the smell.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) December 1, 2015
Being the bigger person and not shouting, "BOOOOOOOM. TOLD YA SO!" in your kids' faces every day is the hardest part of being a parent.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) November 30, 2015
Had fun with 6 over Thanksgiving break. It flew by & I'll miss spending time with h-- *sees 3 wk Christmas vacation on calendar OH C'MON
— Silent Meh, Holy Meh (@TheAlexNevil) November 30, 2015
The great thing about kids is when you don't have the answers you make them up and they believe you.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) December 1, 2015
It's not important how many cups of tea I drink in a day. But rather how many cups I leave around the house & in the microwave that matter.
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) December 1, 2015
"Sorry for the mess!" = It was twice as bad an hour before you got here.
— Karen Callahan (@totmessmom) December 4, 2015
6yo is crying because 13yo and 8yo said she loves tomato sauce and wants to marry it. They don't mention this in Practical Parenting.
— Twitflup (@Twitflup) December 1, 2015
Hiring a marching band to wake up the kids would be money well spent.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) December 4, 2015
10 yo mad b/c at school Xmas pageant she doesn't get to sing Carol of Bells "ding dong" part. Why? "Because I want to say 'DONG' at school!"
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) December 1, 2015
Me to my 12yo "By the way, I'm chaperoning your school dance tomorrow night." *gently lays out MC Hammer pants and starts quad stretches*
— One Classy Motha (@MothaKim) December 4, 2015
According to my kids' Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 4, 2015
If you suggest a 4yo replace her princess cup with a regular cup, you either hate yourself or quiet meals.
— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) December 4, 2015
"Good morning!" T1: "Ugh. You say that every day." He's gonna be an absolute treasure as a teenager.
— Lady E (@LadyEdotMe) December 1, 2015
It's interesting how there's an entire game of Monopoly set up on my bedroom floor but I don't seem to remember anyone playing Monopoly.
— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) December 1, 2015
"Hey kids! Let's play!" *blank stares* "Hey kids, I'm gonna get some housework done." "Mom let's play! Mom I'm hungry! Mom I need you!"
— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) December 2, 2015
Just set the high score on this Toys R Us cash register and they didn't give me a balloon or anything. Christmas shopping sucks.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 2, 2015
Of course I'll be hard of hearing when I'm old. I have children. Their names are loud & louder. Parents & rock stars we're in this together.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) December 3, 2015
Some people scoff when they visit my house at Christmas, but let's see them come up with a cooler Christmas tree topper than my 2yo son!
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 1, 2015
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