Listen up, mom and dad: That sweater is adorable and this mug is great, but my holiday wish list is a bit different this year.
As a bill-paying, commuting, hard-working adult, my priorities have shifted somewhat. You know what sounds even better than a scarf? A free tank of gas. Or perhaps a big stash of paper towels so I can spend that $15 on a few drinks with friends. I know I can purchase these things for myself, but it feels pretty awesome when items like Windex and Kleenex magically appear in my apartment.
So here's a list of some functional gifts I really would much prefer you purchase for me this holiday season:
1. A subway pass or gas card for my commute.
Yay, transportation!
2. Dry cleaning funds.
Because you know I haven't gotten it done since the last time you paid for it.
3. Toilet paper/tissues/paper towels.
A Costco-sized supply would be preferable.
4. A Whole Foods gift card.
Things I'm not spending money on right now: organic, overpriced produce and groceries.
5. Help with my taxes.
What's an AGI? An itemized deduction? Where is all my money going?!? HELP.
6. Any kind of cleaning supplies.
Detergent, sponges, Lysol wipes -- anything to keep my apartment clean.
7. Pay some of my student loans this month.
A little from you goes a long way for me.
8. Tampons.
Seriously. As many as you'll buy me.
9. One more year on the family phone plan.
Or maybe two more years? Okay, fine. Forever?
10. Explain my benefits and help me with investments.
The gift that keeps on giving?
11. Your HBO GO or Netflix password.
The next season of "Game of Thrones" is just four short months away, which means I only have four months to finish everything else HBO GO has to offer.
12. Refrain from commenting on any of my social media posts.
How about you just text me that overly eager "Luv u! xoxo, Mom" comment on the birthday wishes I sent my friend.
13. Treat me like a kid for a day.
I may walk like an adult and talk like an adult but I wouldn't say no to a nice meal out and maybe some good old fashioned TLC.
14. A haircut or coloring session.
Who knew they could be so pricey?
15. A year of Amazon Prime.
Because Amazon is actually my best and most reliable friend.
16. A gym membership.
Because if you sign me up, I will definitely go.
17. Cover my prescriptions or copays.
The sting of a copay is nearly as painful as the cavity the dentist just filled.
18. A second set of chargers for my phone and/or computer.
I'll be ready to charge my phone at a moment's notice, therefore I will always be available to take your call.
19. Lottery tickets.
You know, just in case magic happens.