Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
3-year-old: Where is your house? Me: What are you talking about? You’re standing in it right now. 3-year-old: This is Mom’s house.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 16, 2015
9: DAD! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GINGERBREAD HOUSE! Me: [Mouth full of gum drops] Honey, there were some issues with the renovation.
— BornHusky (@dlockw21) December 15, 2015
Log: Day 32, Hour 16 Might be approaching halfway point in 6's school holiday show. I want to be excited, but have been burned before...
— Meh For The Holidays (@TheAlexNevil) December 11, 2015
If the bottom half of your tree doesn't have any ornaments, you might have a toddler.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) December 15, 2015
The Force Awakens At 5:45 on Saturday morning because the force has kids now and they are spilling cereal all over the kitchen.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 17, 2015
Funny how this Target cashier says "Merry Christmas" like she's not going to see me 50 more times between now & then.
— Hot Breakfast (@amydillon) December 14, 2015
Whomever wrote Silent Night obviously didn't have children.
— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) December 18, 2015
6yo: OK YOU BE THE BABY JESUS & I'M THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY NOW LET'S BATTLE My kids. Deeply feeling the true meaning of the season.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 17, 2015
Friend: What are you bringing to the party? Me: DA NOISE!!! Friend: Me: Friend: So just your kids? Me: Yeah... :(
— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) December 17, 2015
In hell, the lady in front of you in the school pick up line's kid never finishes getting his seat belt on.
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 14, 2015
The thing I like about having teens is how they make a bunch of plans because they're "independent" & then ask to borrow money.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 16, 2015
The one thing no one told me about raising children is how many Band Aids there'd be.
— The Unfit Father (@TheUnfitFather) December 15, 2015
I never feel more like a responsible parent than when I make 2 vegetables at dinner.
— Just Linda (@LindaInDisguise) December 18, 2015
🎶 Jingle bells, Something smells, Find it if you can Month-old grapes are rotting in my tricked-out minivan 🎶
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) December 17, 2015
Wife: By having boys, I didn't realize I was signing up for a lifetime of sitting in cold pee.
— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) December 15, 2015
I love my kids so much I'd die for them, but I still won't let them make my car look like a reindeer.
— mrs.peel (@Not_that_mom) December 17, 2015
There must be a channel on YouTube Kids called "DIY Hacks: How to do everything in the slowest, messiest, and least efficient way."
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) December 18, 2015
Who hasn't done any Christmas shopping yet? Me neither but I still believe in Santa so I'm counting on him to take care of everything.
— OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) December 17, 2015
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