If there's ever a time you need a little distraction in your life, it's during the divorce process. That's why we launched our Divorce Care Package series. With each post, we'll show you what things -- books, movies, recipes -- helped others relieve stress in the midst of divorce, in the hopes that a few of their picks will serve you well too. Want to share what got you through your divorce? Email us at divorce@huffingtonpost.com.
A year ago, writer Kerry Neville and her husband divorced after 16 years of marriage. Neville, who blogs about post-split life and parenting with bipolar disorder at Momma May Be Mad, admits she's still reeling from the big life change. When she needs reassurance that life will get better, she remembers the sweet, offhand remark her 13-year-old daughter made during a long car ride shortly after the divorce.
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Below, Neville shares what her daughter told her -- and tells us what other things have helped her heal this last year.
The Quote
Teradat Santivivut via Getty Images
"A few months after my divorce, my daughter, Sophia, said, 'Even though you’re sad, Mom, you seem happier.' The Portuguese have a word that describes this: saudade. Writer Manuel de Melo defines it as 'a pleasure you suffer, an ailment you enjoy.' When I wonder if I could have repaired my marriage with the right words of love and apology, I remember my daughter's words. Though I don’t always feel happier, I am happier. I laugh more, love more and allow myself to hope for more from the universe since the divorce. 'Hello, Kerry,' I say to my reflection in the mirror, 'it’s been forever but it’s lovely to have you back.'"
"I’ve always been a voracious reader -- two novels a week. But over this post-divorce year? On my single-parent weeks, I crawl into bed by 8:30, laugh at the cartoons in The New Yorker and then zonk out. When I don’t have the kids, I read through my backlog of messages on OkCupid: Join our threesome! Describe your calves. Can I just watch you with someone else? What in my profile suggests I would say yes to these requests? So I reread my profile and make edits: I am no longer an intrepid traveler nor an adventurous eater."
The TV Show
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"A month after the divorce, the kids and I started watching 'The Gilmore Girls.' We crammed together on my new, cheap couch and laughed (I needed levity) and cried (I needed catharsis) our way through 154 episodes as Lorelai, a single mom, navigated through life with her daughter, Rory. By extension, we might be OK, too! I’ve also adopted Lorelai’s golden rule: Do not introduce a romantic partner to your children until you are sure he is 'The One.'"
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The Photo
Kerry Neville
"I don’t look at my wedding photos very often, but when I do, I’m reminded of the young couple willing to take a chance on each other. This photo is a testament to vulnerable, hopeful love. It was real once, even if divorce decreed its end."
The Food
Natalia Ganelin via Getty Images
"Cereal. My ex-husband was chef de cuisine and chef-in-chief. Butternut squash ravioli on Monday? Bouillabaisse on Tuesday? I was blessed and well-fed, but overwhelmed by the production of beautiful meals and the late-night kitchen cleanup. When I developed anorexia and stopped eating his food, my guilt was deep and dark. I recovered, but it’s only been after the divorce that I feel free of the tenterhooks of the eating disorder: I no longer care too much or too little about what I eat. Often, happily, it’s cereal for one: a box, a bowl, a banana and milk. Mediocrity can be liberating. What do I want? Not Lasagna Bolognese with béchamel sauce (though sometimes) but Cheerios."
The Good Habit
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"I don't splurge since my divorce; I save my money. Not sexy. No red-soled Louboutins. Instead, I put money in the bank, dollar by dollar. I follow a strict budget and squirrel a little away each month, enough so I can bail out myself or the kids in an emergency (not yet enough for Bali). Saving for our future means believing in our future."
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The Hobby
Klaus Vedfelt via Getty Images
"I started CrossFit a few months before my divorce. I’d been running around an indoor track all winter; it was a monotonous hour of rumination. I needed to feel invincible -- more Wonder Woman than desperate divorcée. Deadlifts, front squats, thrusters: no time to think, only to do. At first, my muscles were so sore that I couldn’t lower myself onto the toilet. One day, my trainer stacked another twenty pounds on the bar. I shook my head, but he said, 'You’re a strong woman, Kerry. You can do this. You need to know that, too.' That’s the lesson of CrossFit: over time, I can become stronger and lift the weight that’s in front of me."
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