Los Angeles Is A Lakers Town

A brief guide to our city for Stan Kroenke.

So we have an NFL team again, maybe two. That's cool. So long as we aren't footing the stadium bill, it's not too much skin off our collective back.

But just so we're clear, here's a quick message for NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, Rams owner Stan Kroenke and Chargers owner Dean Spanos: Los Angeles is a Lakers town. And it will always be. Don't ever forget that.

Play your football. Enjoy your games. Trot out your players. Score your touchdowns. But don't for a second think that we're going to put you before the Lakers. Yeah, we might watch some of the games while we enjoy a quiet Sunday breakfast in our sublime weather. But never, ever mistake that for an allegiance above the one we have to the Purple and Gold.

Rams (and maybe Chargers), listen closely: You could make the playoffs. You could win a game. You could even win the Super Bowl. But if you think that means we're prioritizing one of your games over watching D'Angelo Russell shoot 1-4 from the field with two assists and three turnovers, think again.

The Lakers could be the worst goddamn team on the planet, and they will still be Team No. 1 in this city, and yes, the Dodgers are No. 2. So spend your money. Build your stadium. Relocate your teams. Talk about the size of our market. Ruin the lives of fans more dedicated to your teams than we will ever be. But don't pretend you're something you aren't. Because you aren't that.

You could probably be more popular than the Clippers, though.

Signed,

Los Angeles

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