The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Beyoncé concerts shouldn't be taxed because they're part of my religion.
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) February 8, 2016
If youre single can you throw paint on couples like PETA throws paint on old women in fur coats
— Sam Escobar (@myhairisblue) February 8, 2016
My main motivation for going to bed is knowing I can have coffee as soon as I wake up.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 9, 2016
Beyonce smiling next to Chris Martin is every woman who's ever had to momentarily dim her shine to work alongside a mediocre man #SB50
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) February 8, 2016
I am never more drunk with power than when i am closing out browser tabs
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 9, 2016
The audacity of women before there was emoji. Going around saying "I'm fine" without a kissy face, assuming people will believe them.
— Elizabeth is Ruined (@Elizasoul80) February 10, 2016
can i go to the dog park if i don't have a dog
— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) February 8, 2016
is that weird
will the dogs think i'm weird
Instagram is down. Nap time.
— Mackenzie Kruvant (@mkruvant) February 10, 2016
I want what all women want for Valentine's Day: The right to turn my enemies into dust just by thinking of them.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) February 10, 2016
They say you can't throw money at all your problems, but I would like the opportunity to try it.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) February 11, 2016
I love it when a man, wearing only the anonymity of the internet, takes a hold of his phone w/ his big strong arms & tells me 2 'calm down'
— Mitra Jouhari (@tweetrajouhari) February 8, 2016
Super impressed with every woman who votes with her vagina, especially in states that use the paper punchcard ballots.
— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) February 9, 2016
If Beyoncé drops an album this week Valentine's Day is cancelled
— Amanda Duberman (@AmandaDuberman) February 8, 2016
Happy to report that, with this album, Kanye has moved on from being a self-obsessed 14 yr old boy into a self-obsessed 15 yr old one
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) February 11, 2016
It's very hard to make friends as an adult because once you're an adult you've realized you hate everyone.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) February 9, 2016
When advice starts with "surround yourself with people.." I'm like ok no.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) February 11, 2016
pitch: Yoga Rip Van Winkle. Man wakes from 20-year savasana w/ 16-ft-long beard, his mat rotted, Brooklyn crumbling around him in ruins
— Jen Doll (@thisisjendoll) February 10, 2016
i can't even be mad at coldplay, their music is the quickest way to pacify drunk white men
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) February 8, 2016
giving up destructive behavior for lent jk
— Chelsea Nachman (@chelseanachman) February 10, 2016
For my opinions on the presidential election, please refer to the thousand word essay attached to this tweet. pic.twitter.com/E7WecC003A
— Lux Alptraum (@LuxAlptraum) February 8, 2016
I don't get what Scientology is selling but it looks fancy and I want one #Lazerzzz
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) February 8, 2016
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