Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
79 percent of parenting is just thinking up new and creative responses to "I don't want to."
— Tartlandia (@SardonicTart) February 9, 2016
7yo: Did you drink coffee before we were born?
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) February 9, 2016
Me: Yes
7yo: Did you eat pancakes?
Me: Yes
7yo: What didn't you do?
Me: Talk while peeing.
There are few things more terrifying than finding your toddler in the living room with an uncapped red Sharpie in her hand.
— Sara (@smilely_gal) February 9, 2016
Hell hath no fury like a toddler when you try to get her dressed in the morning with really cold hands.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) February 5, 2016
Preschool Registration form: What's one word you would use to describe your child?
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) February 6, 2016
*writes in all caps: RELENTLESS.
Did some art projects with my kids and now I'm covered in glitter forever.
— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) February 10, 2016
"Sure, sure, you're the greatest thing to ever happen to me," she says to her kids as she quickly hides her Beyoncé tickets in her pocket
— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) February 9, 2016
When you argue with your kid over their meal and they tell you, "the customer is always right," you may have created a monster.
— Susan McLean (@NoDomesticDiva) February 9, 2016
Me: "Who was your Valentine, buddy?"
— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) February 10, 2016
3yo, covered in Avengers tattoos, 4 Jolly Ranchers in his mouth, crazed look in his eye: "Everyone."
Real #love is your husband smelling you after you changed your son's pee stained bed & saying, "You smell like pee but I'd still tap that."
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) February 10, 2016
My 5yo included a little something special with each Valentine she signed...
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) February 9, 2016
Germs. Because she coughed on every single one of them.
Dad can you
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 10, 2016
*lists 100 different things*
For me real quick?
My 5yo just told me I'm the meanest mom in the world so now I'm freaking out, like wtf I don't even have a speech prepared or anything.
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 12, 2016
What I said: Get in the car.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 9, 2016
What my kids heard: Pour another bowl of cereal & watch TV.
"OH MY GOD WHY IS MY LIFE SO HARD?" said my 6yo, as he did his homework with crayons.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) February 11, 2016
I think my kids were put on this earth to help me perfect my skills at turning laundry right-side-out.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) February 11, 2016
Growing up I used to be afraid of the dark but now I am afraid of hearing my toddler wake up in the middle of the night.
— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) February 11, 2016
Well, seems I've reached the point in life where my type is "Looks like he's probably a great dad."
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) February 9, 2016
Wife: *back from the store* How were the kids?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 11, 2016
Me: Great.
Wife: I took them with me. You didn't even notice
Me: I thought they were quiet
How long before I can discard all the Valentine stuff my kid brings home from school without my kid noticing?
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) February 11, 2016
Also on HuffPost:
Cute Kid Notes
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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