The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Who else panics when they're stopped next to a school bus because teens could possibly be in there roasting you
— Shakira (@shakiraaevans) May 10, 2016
I hate when there's 2 sports on at the same time because then it's hard for me to decide whether to read a book or sleep.
— Twitnter is Coming (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 10, 2016
i don't want to live in a world where drake doesn't have a beard
— Zeba Blay (@zblay) May 13, 2016
There was a lost bro at the train station this morning. I put a little bowl of Gatorade out for him & alerted the nearest frat.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 10, 2016
You can't win with the word "macabre"--pronounce it incorrectly and you sound dumb, pronounce it correctly and you sound like a dickhead
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) May 7, 2016
Still waiting on Uptown Funk to give it to me.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) May 12, 2016
Today, I hiked, weeded the garden, ate cottage cheese, and wrote out a recipe by hand. Apparently, I am an energetic woman in her mid 70s.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) May 7, 2016
I still can't believe it when someone in the bathroom stall next to me is talking on the phone
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) May 9, 2016
I mean, who TALKS on the phone
Find a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have millions of new germs.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) May 13, 2016
I have curly hair so watch out cuz according to tv and movies I'm prolly a witch or a slut or a mad scientist or a lady who boils bunnies.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) May 8, 2016
do u think that people from the middle ages are watching nerds place ebay bids on swords and laughing from heaven
— PUNJAB (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2016
I honestly get so stressed out when someone posts a screenshot & you can see that their battery is below 10%
— Helena Bottom-Farter (@solikebasically) May 7, 2016
Hey baby boy are you my ideal pair of jeans? Because ur looking high and wasted
— Bolu Babalola (@BeeBabs) May 7, 2016
~if you didn't screenshot it, it didn't happen~
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) May 10, 2016
why do people use "Always" from harry potter as romantic? like, a creepy wizard nazi crushed on a hot girl and then was a dick to her son.
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) May 11, 2016
If you'd said the words "Benedict Cumberbatch" to me 5 years ago I would have said "no thanks I'm not really an eggs person"
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) May 12, 2016
Lemonade Tendinitis is caused when ppl experience delusory belief that they can run fast because they are listening to Beyoncé
— Emily Gould (@EmilyGould) May 10, 2016
Never ask an anxious person if they'd recommend their mattress. "Do you sleep well on it? Do you sleep through the night?" No, no I don't
— Amanda Duberman (@AmandaDuberman) May 12, 2016
I like to measure the change in seasons by the amount of unnecessarily barefoot white people walking around places that are not their home
— Heben Nigatu (@heavenrants) May 13, 2016
Meeting my best friend's boyfriend for the first time like... pic.twitter.com/tTYPz3orep
— Jasmyn (@JasmynBeKnowing) May 13, 2016
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