An elderly man in Florida woke up on Monday morning, urinated, retrieved a Colt .32 caliber revolver from his nightstand and shot his wife in the head while she was still asleep.
Then he had some coffee.
When police arrived, William Hager, 86, explained that he killed his wife because he could no longer afford her costly medications. He told a deputy that his wife, Carolyn Hager, had illnesses that required "numerous medications" which he could no longer pay for, according to his arrest affidavit. He said he had been thinking about killing her for several days because she was in pain.
The story, which was written up in The New York Times, The Guardian, The Chicago Tribune and elsewhere, caught on as it reinforced a popular -- and damningly true -- narrative about the exorbitantly high cost of prescription drugs in America.
Implicit in much of the media coverage was the idea that Hager was acting out of compassion, driven to extremes in an effort to end the suffering of his longtime sweetheart. His wife’s death was framed as a mercy killing, and Hager emerged as yet another victim of a dysfunctional health care system that left him little choice than to murder his wife.
But Carolyn did not ask to be killed.
According to the affidavit, Hager told police that while his wife had said in the past that she wanted to die, she had never asked him specifically to kill her. Saying you wish you were dead is one thing. Asking to be killed is quite another.
Hager appears to have unilaterally decided that she was better off dead, and he took it upon himself to accomplish this. By his own recounting, he shot her while she was asleep and without her knowledge or permission.
Deciding it’s time for someone else's life to end is not altruism; it’s abuse.
When elderly men kill their partners (and it is almost always men killing women), experts say it’s not uncommon for the media to portray these homicides as "mercy killings" without investigating if there was a pattern of long-term domestic violence.
In this case, there’s no evidence that there was a history of abuse prior to the homicide. But these are the questions that media should be asking, according to Bonnie Brandl, director of the National Clearinghouse on Abuse in Later Life.
"Abusers often lie, justify their behavior, blame others and minimize their violence," she said. "In these cases, if you take their story at face value, they will often talk about caregiver stress. They portray themselves as the victim, doing the best they can."
In cases of domestic homicide among the elderly, Brandl said, the presence of serious or terminal illnesses, coupled with a lack of understanding about domestic abuse, can lead people to attribute the perpetrator's motive to love instead of investigating the case critically.
"We have a hard time wrapping our heads around domestic violence occurring in later life," she said. "So many of the images put out by the domestic violence field and in the media are young women with children."
Yet, experts say, domestic violence is common in elderly couples as well. In 2015, 9.3 percent of calls to the National Domestic Violence Hotline were from people aged 55 and above.
Brandl said she hoped that investigators are looking at potential domestic violence throughout the marriage and exploring whether or not Hager reached out for help and services.
"Typically abusers isolate their victims and reject any help or services that could make a difference," she said. "In later life, isolation becomes a real reality, as physical disabilities or health conditions makes it more difficult to leave the house."
One of Hager’s neighbors, retired nurse Kathy Diamond, told Treasure Coast News that learning about the circumstances of the death was difficult for her as she knew firsthand that resources were available in the community.
"When Hospice gets involved with somebody with terminal illness, we pay for medications, we pay for beds, we pay for equipment, we pay for doctors," she said.
Hager is now facing a first-degree murder charge.
While people are using this story as a parable about the tragic failures of the health care system, let's also use it as an opportunity to talk about elder abuse and domestic violence and to talk about Carolyn.
She liked to garden. She was creative. And she did not ask to be shot in her sleep.
______
Melissa Jeltsen covers domestic violence and other issues related to women’s health, safety and security. Tips? Feedback? Send an email or follow her on Twitter.
______
Related stories:
- This Is Not A Love Story: Examining A Month Of Deadly Domestic Violence In America
- Why Didn’t You Just Leave? Six Domestic Violence Survivors Explain Why It’s Never That Simple
- It’s Time We Listen When Women Say Their Boyfriends Are Dangerous
- This Is How A Domestic Violence Victim Falls Through The Cracks
- Men Offer Abhorrent Excuses For Killing Women. Don’t Repeat Them.
- We’re Missing The Big Picture On Mass Shootings
- A Legal Loophole May Have Cost This Woman Her Life