Let Me Summarize Your Friends’ Lengthy, Uninformed Facebook Posts

Because clicking on "See more" usually ends with us wanting to "See a therapist."
Westend61 via Getty Images

Wish you could read your former high school classmates’ hot takes on tragic news stories, but don’t have enough time in your day to finish every last egregiously misspelled 50,000-plus-word Facebook status? Well, boy oh boy, have I got an offer for you!

Using my only two God-given gifts — speed-reading and the ability not to punch laptop screens while consuming imbecilic think pieces — I can read any Facebook status to completion and sum it up in a single, succinct thought. Consider it a highlight reel of your lowlife acquaintances.

Not sold yet? Here are some samples of my work:

HuffPost Comedy
HuffPost Comedy
HuffPost Comedy
HuffPost Comedy
HuffPost Comedy

Convinced now? Here’s how to get started:

2) Email receipt/proof of your donation to aaron.nemo@huffingtonpost.com or tweet it to @aaronnemo. Also include a link to the Facebook post you would like summarized.

3) Sit back and let me provide the CliffNotes to your shit-for-brains cousin’s boyfriend’s ignorant novel.

Before You Go

LOADINGERROR LOADING

Popular in the Community

Close

What's Hot