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1 Thing You Can Change After Divorce That Will Make All The Difference

Lessons from someone who's been there.
By 

Editorial Fellow, The Huffington Post

If there’s ever a time you need a little distraction in your life, it’s during the divorce process. That’s why we launched our Divorce Care Package series. With each post, we’ll show you what things — books, movies, recipes — helped others relieve stress in the midst of divorce, in the hopes that a few of their picks will serve you well, too. Want to share what got you through your divorce? Email us at divorce@huffingtonpost.com.

Blogger Derick Turner’s divorce after 14 years of marriage taught him a valuable lesson: change starts from within.

“If you want to change anything in your life, it starts with changing the way you think,” Turner told The Huffington Post. “Change the images you give life to in your mind, the language you use to describe things and the emotions you give power to.”

He now shares that message and others like it on his blog, which is focused on helping men become the best husbands and fathers they can be.

Below, some of the ways he coped when his marriage ended in 2015.

The Splurge
Courtesy of Derick Turner
"I purchased a 2014 Dodge Ram 1500. After trading in my last truck several years ago to better accommodate my growing family, I finally got myself a new truck. This has done more for my self-confidence than I can explain. Sometimes rewarding yourself for all you go through is the right thing to do."
The Saying
Canva
"This is a saying that I have been sharing recently with many of the people I mentor. While the concept is not original, this specific quote is my own. It comes from my personal understanding that in order to accomplish any goal, or reach any destination, our thoughts and efforts need to be facing in that direction. If we allow distractions to take us off course, we will not get there, and even the slightest variance from that destination early on in our journey will compound to become a massive distance as we progress. For this reason, it is important that we regularly calibrate our focus so that we are going where we wish to. Then, just keep going forward, and we will eventually get there because there is nowhere else we can possibly end up."
The Song
"I'm a country music guy. I listen to it a lot more often now because I'm not having to share the radio. I'm a romantic at heart, so I've always enjoyed the ballads, but since the divorce I've appreciated the upbeat, carefree, live-life-without-stress kind of music from the likes of Florida Georgia Line, Jason Aldean and Blake Shelton. Along with that I have really been enjoying 'Humble And Kind' by Tim McGraw. I even wrote a post about lessons I've learned from it."
The Book
Amazon
"My favorite book for a long time has been 'The Count of Monte Cristo' by Alexandre Dumas. The contrast of vengeance and forgiveness in this story felt very real as I was going through the betrayal of my divorce. I wanted to hold on to the anger and frustration, but I found that letting go and trying to forgive in spite of the hurt was the only way for me to find peace. It may have been a little easier with new-found treasure like Edmond Dantès', but I managed."
The Cuisine
Getty Images
"I finally felt free to go to whatever restaurant I wanted. I no longer put aside my own interests for her. I ate spicier and more adventurously. I tried Thai and Vietnamese, I explored vegetarian and I ate a lot of meat. I learned about smoking meats and look forward to doing that more. I now more often choose quality over quantity. Perhaps the best part is that I do what I want, when I want."
The Movie
The Martian official Facebook page
"I enjoyed 'The Martian' for the humor, but more importantly because of how it represented the idea of one man figuring out how to survive with his wit, skill and pure passion for surviving. There are still moments when I feel I couldn't be further from the life I want, but I'm not done fighting to get there."
The Hobby
Getty Images
"I love golf. I didn't golf very often during the marriage, so I took this time to finally let myself do one of my favorite things much more often. I have been playing with a group once a week recently, and while my game isn't necessarily getting any better, I'm feeling much more relaxed, and it sure is a lot of fun."

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