The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant — but succinct — wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Even if they want him out, I say the GOP need to carry their candidate fully to term
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) August 5, 2016
When the couple chooses the wrong house on House Hunters pic.twitter.com/nOMoWcO8Tf
— Peyoncé (@PerrinSimone) July 31, 2016
I just accidentally danced to an r Kelly song, how many hail marys do I have to do
— Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) August 4, 2016
Instead of the Founding Fathers, I prefer to call them the Deciding Daddies
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 5, 2016
I assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) August 1, 2016
I don't think it's OK to drool over his nudes, but I'm on 2 separate text threads about Orlando Bloom's dick bc my feminism is complicated
— Ej Dickson (@ejdickson) August 4, 2016
"And then he ... wait, I'm not done ... you won't believe it ... and then ... he ... then he YELLED AT A BABY!" pic.twitter.com/uZ6q5zaNdX
— side-eye spice (@goldengateblond) August 2, 2016
Pretty unrealistic how many movies take place on that ONE nice day of fall in New York
— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) August 3, 2016
"well that's rude" - my mom hearing about someone who cut a guy's dick off
— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) August 4, 2016
IMPORTANT QUESTION: WHAT ROLE WILL RYAN LOCHTE PLAY IN THE NEW "SPLASH" @Karnythia
— Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) August 1, 2016
Cargo shorts are like lingerie for not having sex
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) August 5, 2016
me after the hairdresser asks "you like it?" pic.twitter.com/fmLCVdye28
— Zeba Blay (@zblay) August 4, 2016
“Men are better at sports! It’s just biology!”
— Ally Maynard (@missmayn) August 4, 2016
Maybe, but women’s bodies can MAKE NEW PEOPLE so have fun running around with your ball.
every time I see Paul Ryan's face these days I just wanna sing the "Schadenfreude" song from Avenue Q; that's the only good thing about 2016
— Nicole Chung (@nicole_soojung) August 3, 2016
You can tell everything about a relationship by who is left out of the umbrella
— Michelle Markowitz (@michmarkowitz) July 31, 2016
Instagram stories is teaching me that if I wanted to follow all these people on Snapchat, I would have.
— KB (@KaraRBrown) August 4, 2016
Don't cry because it's over, smile because a man told you to.
— Jen Statsky (@jenstatsky) August 1, 2016
Twitter should change its name to Thoughts On Trump
— Jena Friedman (@JenaFriedman) August 3, 2016
Just Prime-d an economy pack of preg tests (never know when my period is coming, good to have in a pinch) + @chrissyteigen's cookbook (same)
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) August 5, 2016
For one day I'd like to have the gumption of a sour old woman who fully bodychecks you on a New York street and just scowls at you after
— #rachelsyme (@rachsyme) August 4, 2016
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