What To Get The Bill Clinton Who Has Everything On His Birthday

Bill Clinton, former president and current guy bidding to be America’s first First Gentleman, is turning 70 on Friday. He’s had a pretty fortunate life in terms of possessions — heck, he even had the nuclear codes once. So, aside from the reanimated corpse of Socks the cat, what could you possibly get the supportive husband of Hillary Clinton for this joyous occasion?

First, we must examine what not to get Bill. The answer: saxophones.

Saxophones are the Bill Clinton version of a writer receiving a journal (”You know, to write in!”) or a chef receiving crappy IKEA pots (”You know, to make food with!”) as a gift. Once the world realized they had a saxophone-playing politician on their hands, they went wild.

Trust: Bill has received many saxophones over the years. He’s even regifted some of them to his own museum. If that’s not a cry for help, we don’t know what is.

We have a few ideas for what Bill Clinton would really like for his birthday this year.

Um, not a pile of wire. That is a very sweet idea, but no. This is what Bill really wants:

BALLOONS, DUH.

MAYBE ALL OF THE BALLOONS, IF POSSIBLE.

After the hubbub of the Democratic National Convention, some people might’ve thought he had his fill of balloons.

Some among you might’ve even forgotten that Bill loves balloons.

But Bill did not forget that he loves balloons. No, no.

HBD, former President Bill Clinton.