The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant β but succinct β wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this weekβs great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
I think about my ex every few days. I think about her dog every hour on the hour.
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) October 14, 2016
Just almost fell asleep with my book open and thought, "I should close the book so it doesn't run out of battery."
— Barbara Holm (@barbara_holm) October 11, 2016
There is no I in team but there are two in the word narcissist
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 12, 2016
People still on the fence about who they'll vote for must literally be attached to a fence and are physically incapable of voting.
— Elizabeth (@Elizasoul80) October 10, 2016
If we survive this election can we agree to stop doing this every few years? It's bad for everyone.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) October 14, 2016
ME: I'm seeing someone
— Jillian Gutowitz (@jillboard) October 12, 2016
FRIEND: omg lemme see a pic!!
ME: *tirelessly scrolls through their Instagram for the hottest pic publicly available*
if you're anxious and you know it clap your hands (but not too loudly because that might cause other people to view you as a disturbance)
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) October 14, 2016
2016 has been pretty bad so far but to be fair it might be the only Halloween when you get to see a sexy Ken Bone making out with Pikachu.
— (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt) October 14, 2016
Please be kind: Angry white men are feeling very vulnerable right now.
— Allana Harkin (@AllanaHarkin) October 13, 2016
Moderator: "You bragged that you've sexually assaulted women. Do you understand that?β
— Heben Nigatu (@heavenrants) October 10, 2016
Trump: "Nobody has more respect for women than I do" pic.twitter.com/IkJCx13XE5
Remember in 2012 when we all clutched our pearls over "binders full of women"? Haha good times.
— shauna (@goldengateblond) October 14, 2016
cooked myself breakfast while debilitatingly hungover and sans glasses because it's important to keep the mystery alive, even with yourself.
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) October 9, 2016
RT if you have cold-like symptoms but have sneaking suspicion you're just allergic to men pretending sexual assault doesn't exist
— Jessica Samakow (@jsam1126) October 13, 2016
sad that i missed michelle obmama's speech, i'll just have to wait til melania gives it again later
— Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) October 13, 2016
*Opens Twitter* everything is still terrible.
— Kate Sheppard (@kate_sheppard) October 13, 2016
*Closes Twitter, goes back to photos of babies and cats on Instagram*
self care = pictures of tom hardy with dogs. send em
— Zeba Blay (@zblay) October 13, 2016
is there an age when u remember to read the instructions before u throw away a box or do we all beat on like this, boats against the current
— Julia BOOsh π» (@jabush) October 12, 2016
Sometimes I feel like a woman trapped in a man's patriarchy
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) October 13, 2016
*2AM*
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) October 13, 2016
Time to compare myself to people I don't know
a guy on a dating app just told me he doesnt know who carrie brownstein is so next time someone asks me why im single im just gonna say that
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) October 14, 2016
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