The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
live w the abandon of a Movie Teen who says "dont fall in love w me" after 12 seconds of polite conversation
— Julia Bush (@jabush) December 20, 2016
Just wrote the sequel to Riding in Cars With Boys. It's called Yelling In Cars with Lesbians
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) December 20, 2016
Donald Trump is such a Russian toy that I'm starting to wonder if inside of him is a series of progressively smaller white nationalists
— Kate Willett (@katewillett) December 16, 2016
my fav hobby is befriending random girls on the street based on a shared love of makeup or a shared hatred of Donald Trump
— farwz (@farwzz) December 21, 2016
*reads note left on her counter*
— Erica (@SCbchbum) December 21, 2016
"I'm breaking up with you. Your too nitpicky."
"You're," she whispered.
I just want to fall in love with a funny bearded man who later reveals he's secretly rich and I get points because I didn't know.
— Lauren Chanel Allen (@MichelleHux) December 20, 2016
I don't think I realized how much this year has changed me until just now when someone offered me chocolate and I said no.
— shauna (@goldengateblond) December 19, 2016
me @ men pic.twitter.com/uYgeYXaGLw
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) December 18, 2016
Failed area woman fails to acknowledge her many failings.
— Rebecca Traister (@rtraister) December 20, 2016
Positive post-election things:
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) December 18, 2016
Loving SNL again.
Crying in public is fine.
Not sleeping means more time for sighing.
Marching = cardio.
Funds are low this year, so the Chex Mix I'm bringing to my office Christmas party is just birdseed and expired birth control pills.
— Arielle (@jewfacekilla) December 20, 2016
I sure to do watch a lot of Food Network for someone who just spent three minutes trying to push down the handle of an unplugged toaster.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) December 20, 2016
Can't decide what to get my dog for Christmas. Would she prefer a whole chicken skeleton, or her own feet? Tough to say.
— Shalyah Evans (@ShalyahEvans) December 20, 2016
The amount I think putting an exclamation mark at the end of a text will fix everything is honestly adorably stupid
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) December 21, 2016
"Either something is happening to your face or you're putting your makeup on wrong." -My Mom
— Allison Raskin (@AllisonRaskin) December 20, 2016
"Santa Baby" is actually my favorite Christmas song about wanting to fuck Santa Claus
— Michelle Markowitz (@michmarkowitz) December 21, 2016
They say no musicians will play Trump's inauguration. Not true. I offered to play my rape whistle the entire time but no one's called back.
— the war on bethmas (@bourgeoisalien) December 21, 2016
I wish I had half as much going on as the people in prescription-drug commercials.
— Naomi (@Blacktress) December 14, 2016
Life is a slow process of having your favorite names ruined by meeting the people who have them.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) December 21, 2016
me to myself: let's try to keep the conversation light & fun
— J. Jennifer Espinoza (@sadqueer4life) December 21, 2016
me 5 minutes later: i have too much empathy & it makes me want to die a lot
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.