The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
My personal brand is resting my boobs on the table when I get tired of holding them up.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) January 13, 2017
I killed a huge spider in my room and googled if it was dangerous. Found out the females eat males after mating & now I regret killing it
— Ali V. (@alivingiano) January 8, 2017
whenever i get the walk signal at an intersection, i think "now it's MY time to shine!"
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 8, 2017
Good news white dudes! You can harass women all you want and still a) be president and b) win prestigious Hollywood movie awards yaaaaay
— Jenavieve Hatch (@jenavievehatch) January 9, 2017
maybe all the men should be banned from twitter, just until we can figure out what is going on.
— 🤔 Emoji User (@fifthstarter) January 8, 2017
When you get ready to block a troll but they only have 20 followers pic.twitter.com/z3NYn30uOV
— Ijeoma Oluo (@IjeomaOluo) January 8, 2017
the only thing that'll make me feel better right now is a shirt with michelle obama's face on it
— Rachel Charlene (@RachelCharleneL) January 11, 2017
senator: would you oppose THING
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) January 10, 2017
sessions: it sounds complicated and i didn't prepare
senator: it's literally illegal
sessions: what's a law
anybody need one im printing a poster size for 2017 pic.twitter.com/U41QZokH0e
— Julia Bush (@jabush) January 11, 2017
My boyfriend to me during Obama's farewell address: "I want you to look at me the way Biden looks at Obama." #goals
— Tanisha L. Ramirez (@TanishaLove) January 11, 2017
crying, eating a grilled cheese but still kinda dancing to J.Lo's "Waiting For Tonight" bc my period, mood disorder & Obama all showed up tn
— Lauren Zupkus (@laurenzup) January 11, 2017
me: *walks into my house*
— Lourdes (@gossipgriII) January 11, 2017
my mom: take out the trash
me: pic.twitter.com/0CDGZ9PJ9L
Fuck flowers. Romance is premaking coffee the night before.
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) January 12, 2017
"Always ten followers away from 3000" it read on her tombstone
— Katina Corrao (@KatinaCorrao) January 12, 2017
THE REPUBLICANS WANT TO TAKE AWAY MY BIRTH CONTROL BUT THAT'S ONLY GOING TO MAKE MORE DEMOCRATS
— Yael (@elle91) January 12, 2017
If 2017 brings us a UFC fight between Meryl Streep and Donald Trump, then it will all have been worth it
— Heben Nigatu (@heavenrants) January 9, 2017
"Respond whore" is not a good way to get me to respond, but it is how I think of myself in third person when composing emails
— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) January 13, 2017
Not to brag, but I have been referred to as "exhausting."
— Darla (@ddsmidt) January 10, 2017
My Roomba Is Trying To Kill Me: The Musical
— Lynn G (@illiter8too) January 10, 2017
*moves $124 to an offshore bank account*
— heather lou* (@heatherlou_) January 12, 2017
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