The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Our kids are gonna be in class learning random facts about the presidents like Obama once worked at Baskin Robbins and Trump can't read.
— Jasmyn Lawson (@JasmynBeKnowing) February 21, 2017
i showed my tree identification class notes to more than three people at a party this weekend why am I single
— Julia Bush (@jabush) February 20, 2017
So are we doing spring nail colors on account of climate change or...? What's the plan here
— wikipedia brown (@eveewing) February 20, 2017
my favorite genre of literature is people writing about why they're nervous and sad and afraid. it's called neurotica
— Erin 🎶Gloria🎶 Ryan (@morninggloria) February 22, 2017
now whenever i check the news, i gotta have 2 to 7 baby goat pics on standby
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 19, 2017
Hey upstairs neighbor vacuuming at 11:45 pm: DON'T.
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) February 23, 2017
I often go to Justin Trudeau's Twitter page & pretend he's my President. I read his thoughtful, coherent tweets & just linger for a spell...
— beth can't with this (@bourgeoisalien) February 22, 2017
I'm gonna be out of the country for a few days so, don't burn down America without me!
— Heben Nigatu (@heavenrants) February 22, 2017
I love watching politicians walk into these town halls where everyone is booing. It's like they've arrived at the worst surprise party ever.
— Elizabeth (@Elizasoul80) February 23, 2017
Purebread dogs vs. inbread dogs pic.twitter.com/e1nC0d7EkR
— Yael (@elle91) February 22, 2017
Aladdin and jasmine probably did it on the poor magic carpet who was like :(
— marlo meekins (@MarloMeekins) February 22, 2017
[buys a bunch of new books to read]
— Amanda M-W (@Manda_like_wine) February 22, 2017
wow, can't wait to dive into my new books
[uses them as an armrest while I scope out ebay]
i keep going to the fridge for groceries i bought in my dream
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) February 23, 2017
When life hands you lemons, ask for limes instead.
— shauna (@goldengateblond) February 22, 2017
Now ask life for tequila and triple sec.
Now thank life for the margaritas.
Hobbies include: checking my phone.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) February 23, 2017
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2017: this weather is crazy nice out
— pascalle (@frenchielaboozi) February 19, 2017
2018: remember strawberries?
Starting a business called Hangover Yoga. It's 20 minutes of eating nachos followed by 40 minutes of Corpse Pose.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) February 20, 2017
Being alone in a strange town makes me want to do some real fucked up shit, like becoming a person who says "ciao"
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) February 22, 2017
Things you overhear at the office: "The only thing I don't like about @Trevornoah is that he hasn't asked me out yet"
— Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) February 22, 2017
The weird thing about wearing a jumpsuit is having to get naked at work to pee.
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) February 23, 2017
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