Iyanla Vanzant Counsels Reality Star Guest: 'THIS Is What Depression Looks Like'

As a reality show personality from BET’s “Frankie & Neffe,” Shelby “Soullow” Lowery knew what it felt like for his life to read like an open book. But unbeknownst to many, the 43-year-old father and husband to the outspoken Neffeteria Pugh was struggling to hide the darkness that had been permeating every aspect of his being.

Lowery opened up about his struggles on the season premiere of “Iyanla: Fix My Life,” addressing the traumas of his past, like his childhood molestation and the loss of his own child. As Lowery explained to Iyanla, never coping with his traumas left him feeling drained and exhausted as an adult.

“I don’t want to be here no more,” Lowery said, breaking into tears. “I want to give up.”

Iyanla offered comfort and a nuanced perspective to her guest.

“Shelby, it is unkind and unloving to expect yourself to be able to do something that you don’t know how to do, that no one taught you how to do,” Iyanla said. “It’s not that you want to die, Shelby. It’s that you’ve never been taught how to live. You’ve never been taught how to live, baby. You’ve been taught how to survive.”

In a voiceover, Iyanla addressed the issue of depression among others like Lowery. “Nearly 2 million African-American men suffer from depression, and more than 90 percent suffer in silence, never seeking help,” she said. “To be clear, this is what depression looks like, this is what it sounds like, this is what it feels like.”

If you or someone you know needs help, call 1-800-273-8255 for the National
Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also text HELLO to 741-741 for free,
24-hour support from the Crisis Text Line. Outside of the U.S., please
visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention for a database
of resources.