I asked Twitter an innocent question Friday: What, besides Juicero, the $400 Wi-Fi-enabled bag-squeezer the internet has been mocking all week, is the dumbest, most useless thing youβve ever bought?
The responses were fantastic.
Here are some of the funniest, ranked from bad decisions to very bad decisions to hilariously bad decisions. (Iβve excluded the most common answers, which included college, grad school, gym memberships, class rings, exes, pogs, letterman jackets, and, of course, in-app purchases. I also excluded the ones that kept it super-real.)
@NickBaumann An f'ing Roomba
— kristin nicholson (@circlekdc) April 21, 2017
@NickBaumann The Scooba (roomba but for mopping)
— Soros Cash TakerπΉ (@Kristinmedd) April 21, 2017
Betting on the Cleveland Browns to cover. https://t.co/SI38uqf7Gv
— Kevin Bartner (@heshsson) April 21, 2017
I pay for cable, so β¦ CNN, I guess? https://t.co/VLSolEchjx
— Jamison Foser (@jamisonfoser) April 21, 2017
well tailored suits when I've never weighed the same amount for more than like 6 months https://t.co/mzCHgtb6Vy
— Logan Dobson (@LoganDobson) April 21, 2017
Itβs @coinβ¦ & itβs not even close. https://t.co/p63OlZneR3
— Cambro (@CambroLiving) April 21, 2017
(I also purchased a Coin because I make extremely bad decisions.) Also, the list starts getting better here.
@NickBaumann my phone froze when i was trying to pay 5$ for pokemon go currency and i accidentally spend 50 bucks.
— Jennifer G (@jennifergeewhiz) April 21, 2017
death star https://t.co/r5DL7ejLJH
— darth:β’ (@darth) April 21, 2017
A mini-drone, two-tone wingtip shoes, grad school, bagpipes https://t.co/9Hy2RbEA9O
— Alex Parker (@AlexParker) April 21, 2017
@NickBaumann a robot gutter cleaner
— Ann Marie Gamble (@amgamble) April 21, 2017
The family cat. https://t.co/JTG11Rdq40
— Ali (@anniesperson) April 21, 2017
"Independence Day: Resurgence." https://t.co/55nUcTseAR
— Frank Pallotta (@frankpallotta) April 21, 2017
@NickBaumann Minnesota timberwolves season tickets...
— Plaid and Bougie (@zachserickson) April 21, 2017
In 2013
$25 Coors Light pool stick that broke after four shots. https://t.co/e6GXXhPKfr
— Matt Sheehan (@Sheehan_Sports) April 21, 2017
@NickBaumann I was on a drunken road trip from NYC to Akron OH and picked up this cigar burn (supposed to be a tattoo of a star) pic.twitter.com/7Ig67O7cgS
— Michele Ahern (@micheleahern) April 21, 2017
Postmates chick fil a with a delivery fee higher than the food subtotal itself when the chick fil a was a 10min walk from my apartment https://t.co/MKlj0tFDv9
— alexandra beaton (@aabeaton) April 21, 2017
Home deep fryer. Later I realized that I already own pots that can hold hot oil, are cleanable, and don't take up three cubic feet of space. https://t.co/uDaIMXzFIz
— Sam Bergman (@violanorth) April 21, 2017
@NickBaumann Goddamn slapchop.
— Scott Unger π¨π¦ (@scottu487) April 21, 2017
@NickBaumann I was high as shit in Toronto and spent like $80 on a vintage fake leather jacket with a huge fuckin yellow stop sign on the back
— sick transit, gloria (@samknight1) April 21, 2017
Bought a Congressman his beer once. https://t.co/xL4WJNGgTH
— Matt Laslo (@MattLaslo) April 21, 2017
@NickBaumann I spent $5000 on a vanity domain.
— Dan Rosart (@_Torgen) April 21, 2017
bought an HD-DVD player like six months before blu-ray won out and for years could only watch "king kong" and "transformers" in HD. https://t.co/4zi324yKHs
— joseph diebold (@josephdiebold) April 21, 2017
About 3 grand on competitive paintball gear... https://t.co/vPUkuoE5Zp
— Cowboy Socialist (@MPAVictoria) April 21, 2017
@NickBaumann Cat furniture
— Dissident Elizabeth (@elizabethgeno) April 21, 2017
@NickBaumann This enormous bow-shaped fannypack that has only a tiny pouch the size of a credit card. https://t.co/j72d5fFjQg
— Crooked Hillary (@Hilldawgg) April 21, 2017
These are my favorites (as of 6 p.m. Friday; responses are still rolling in.)
An ornamental, near life-size ceramic Great Dane which is currently sitting in my office. https://t.co/uAzYUTXRMt
— Taylor Huckaby (@iwriterealgood) April 21, 2017
I drunkenly bought a Bluetooth frying pan. https://t.co/zXwquHmxBK
— This American Adam (@adamconner) April 21, 2017
$120 Italian general's uniform I got off eBay for Halloween in college. https://t.co/3n9OtJhkQ4
— Matt Ford (@fordm) April 21, 2017
Bought an $80 violin on Amazon Prime. I will neither confirm nor deny whether alcohol was involved. https://t.co/2clgSSDeIE
— Nathaniel Horadam (@NW_Horadam) April 21, 2017
i bought a banjo on ebay in 2012, with my student loan, and it was too fucked up and old to ever work. also i'd never played banjo https://t.co/Ocgc5VjRVT
— libby watson π₯ (@libbycwatson) April 21, 2017
I vanity published a book that I now despise and refuse to even keep in my house. $500 https://t.co/lZm0aiGP9y
— Never Watch Football (@LakdifFlanchzed) April 21, 2017
Some late additions below:
I was a summer intern at Oculus in SoCal. I bought a bright red Mazda Miata for a summer. Couldn't even drive, used Uber every day. https://t.co/jvLbwTDELw
— Saku @ SF (@sknthla) April 22, 2017
Look who weighed in:
Rollie Eggmaster. Dog DNA test. https://t.co/Mepz0zFUP5
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 21, 2017
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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