The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.
Realtor: "So you're looking to buy a home?"
— Allison Raskin (@AllisonRaskin) May 2, 2017
Me: "Yes, I'd rather go into debt and ruin my credit than talk to my neighbors in the elevator."
Olsen twins out here aging like Kellyanne Conway.
— Taryn Finley (@_TARYNitUP) May 2, 2017
Saw a kid at the airport wearing a Captain America shirt and dragging an R2-D2 suitcase behind him so I was like, step off my style, bro.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) May 2, 2017
television without writers is just people eating bugs for cash prizes
— Ziwe (@ziwe) May 2, 2017
I look so tired today that a crow was just hovering near me like "when this one dies I get dibs"
— Mary-Devon Dupuy (@DevoDupuy) May 2, 2017
*when literally anyone gets mad at me for anything ever* pic.twitter.com/q721pw3KX5
— Angela Wheezy (@CarpeAngela) May 2, 2017
I just stirred coffee into my smoothie. How's your Monday going?
— Lauren DeStefano (@LaurenDeStefano) May 1, 2017
Even though there's no way I could be pregnant it's always good to know I'm not pregnant.
— Jasmyn Lawson (@JasmynBeKnowing) May 5, 2017
People are always like "eventually you'll want a baby." The closest I've gotten is the other day I really wanted a sandwich.
— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) May 5, 2017
in my old age am I realizing that those stretchy, phone cord keychains are to wear your keys as a bracelet when drunk so you don't lose em.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) May 5, 2017
LOL WHEN THE TWITTER PROMPT IS THE MOST ACCURATE pic.twitter.com/tJGT98naPC
— Jessica Samakow (@jsam1126) May 4, 2017
INTERVIEWER: can you explain these gaps on your résumé?
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 3, 2017
INTERVIEWEE: o sure, i just hit Return a couple times. it's real easy, i'll show ya.
In Canada right now, do I just stay here?
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) May 4, 2017
ivanka trump is the rachel dolezal of feminism and should be treated as such.
— Jessica Blankenship (@blanketboat) May 4, 2017
I've developed a habit of using dollar bills as bookmarks. It sounds like a cool thing to say, but really I just need to buy a bookmark.
— quinta b. (@quintabrunson) May 1, 2017
is it normal to want to block someones number when their text has more than one typo in it?
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) May 5, 2017
2016 vs 2017 pic.twitter.com/bbxQdMoLIh
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) May 4, 2017
All this, and Trump's dad is still never going to love him.
— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) May 5, 2017
just moved a pair of black tapered sweatpants from the "lounge pants" to the "proper pants" drawer so that's how my diet's going
— Amanda Duberman (@AmandaDuberman) May 3, 2017
i tell myself i love salad but mainly i'm here for the salad toppings
— Jessica Misener (@jessmisener) May 5, 2017
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